Phil's Random Musings

Games Day 2011

2011-09-26T11:26:00.000+01:00

So, here I sit at the keyboard absolutely knackered after UK Games Day 2011. Part of the exhaustion was due to my decision to drive there with a couple of friends rather than take the shop coach and face the awful traffic after a long day.

Overall I had a great day and had the opportunity to chat with many of the authors including three I'd never had the chance to speak to in person. Sarah Cawkwell was there for the release of her first novel, Gildar Rift, starring her very own Silver Skulls Space Marines and believe me when I tell you that the energy of this woman needs to be seen to be believed. It was such a pleasure to meet her face-to-face and to see her in her rightful place meeting her adoring public as she signed book after book for hours at a time, greeting each and every fan with genuine warmth. A veteran performance from this talented rookie. I'm delighted to announce that Sarah has agreed to be on my hit-list for an interview, Skype style.

Sarah Cawkwell strikes a pensive pose for my camera.

I also had the great pleasure of speaking with author Sandy Mitchell whose Ciaphas Cain novels have grabbed me by the throat and won't let go. I recently reviewed Mitchell's latest Cain novel on the newly revived Book Spot Central and I had the chance to talk with the man about what's next. February 2012 will see the release of the next in the Ciaphas Cain series, The Last Ditch, after which Mitchell is hoping to alternate the Cain titles with other Black Library work which can only mean more Mitchelly goodness for us fans.

My abiding impression of Sandy Mitchell was of a real gentleman of the old school, who - while clearly a very experienced and profoundly talented writer - presents with a disarming humility. He has graciously agreed to a Skype interview for Book Spot Central though in his case he's told me that it will involve getting a tech savvy friend to set Skype up for him.

Sandy Mitchell in all his glory.

Last of the previously unmets was personal favourite Graham McNeill who was very keen to do an interview over Skype and we had the chance to chat a little about his upcoming Horus Heresy novel The Outcast Dead, a review of which I hope to publish in the next two weeks on Book Spot Central. Hopefully the interview will follow soon after.

It was great to reconnect with Chris Wraight, who as I've remarked in my reviews of his work, is a world class teller of tales and it has long been my feeling that he hasn't been given the exposure that someone of his talent deserves, something I hope to rectify in my own small way with a...yeah, you guessed it, a skype interview.

Chris Wraight and his appropriately adoring fans

During one of our quick chats during the day, when he was kind enough to spare me a few minutes between seminars/signings, he mentioned that one of his upcoming 40k releases will be a novel about the Iron Hands! They haven't had the Black Library treatment since Jonathan Green's Iron Hands novel that was last published back in 2004 and I'm really pleased that they've chosen a writer of Chris Wraight's calibre to expand the Iron Hands' mythos. We briefly discussed the challenge of writing what are effectively a bunch of inhuman bastards who stretch the definition of 'good guys' to beyond breaking point. Definitely a novel to watch out for.

My experience with Dan Abnett in our recent skype interview has put me off the written interview format for good I think. There's nothing like a real time conversation to open things up and now that my squeaky chair has been destroyed future interviews will be bereft of its high pitched interruptions.

Though I didn't have the nerve to ask him for any kind of interview I did have the chance to foam at mouth in the presence of William King. I was, and in truth remain, a big fan of his writing and the Gotrek and Felix series he penned are still personal favourites to which I return even now. He took a long leave of absence from Black Library but I'm chuffed to say that he's back, with a series of High Elf themed novels coming to a store near you soon.

William King, Back in Black...Library! (see what I did there?) :)

Also there was the mild mannered alter-ego of author Mark Charan Newton in his day job for Games Workshop. I know he likes to keep the two worlds separate but I was so pleased to have the chance to catch up with him and talk about his work. In June this year he released the third of his Red Sun series, The Book of Transformations, and told me that the fourth and final novel in the series has already been sent to his editor and is slated for release in June next year. After this series is over he hopes to write a mystery novel set in another fantasy world of his own creation. Having read the first two books of his current series, I really loved his character Investigator Rumex Jeryd and for me he has already established his credentials as a crime/mystery writer so I'm really excited about this future project.

Author Mark Charan Newton

Next up is Aaron Dembski-Bowden who though he wasn't officially there actually sat down to sign stuff for his growing army of fans including this guy, Adam Cleveland, who, having run out of stuff to sign, just got him to sign his face! (Thanks @morbius_sire for his name!)

Adam Cleveland knows he can never wash his face again!

Aaron and I had a chance to chat and I floated the idea of us doing a skype thang which he seemed really enthusiastic about. I mentioned that we might time the chat to coincide with the release of the last in the Night Lords trilogy, Void Stalker, which he liked and that we can talk more about his work and upcoming projects which he suggested was boring...he really doesn't like the whole self-promotion thing. I'm going to have to come up with topics we can talk about that take advantage of his encyclopaedic knowledge of, and passion for, the 40K universe. Can't think of a better guy to talk 40K with! I also had the chance to chat with and congratulate Katie, Aaron's brand new wife who was both thoroughly charming and very patient with the weird guy (me) that was asking where her husband was.

Aaron and Katie Dembski-Bowden

For some reason I never got around to congratulating Aaron...I think I was too busy frothing and trying to cram all the ideas for interviews/articles (we both write for Boomtron.com/Book Spot Central) that I've wanted to run by him for a year into a few minutes. So, Congratulations Aaron! He won't read this post so I'll just have to email him; yup, I have his email address...MUAHAHAHA! It's just so unsatisfying sending him 'heavy-breathing-in-the-wee-hours-of-the-night' by email. But such is life.

There was one very pleasant surprise for me at Games Day today. My old chum and former Games Workshop colleague Neil Wylie (have I spelled your surname right Neil?) has moved on from his post at Black Library and is now a games designer and background writer for the new and very shiny Forgeworld spin-off, Warhammer Forge! Neil was a great pleasure to work with and I'm so chuffed that his great talent has at last been given an appropriate outlet. It was so damn cool to see him at the table answering people's questions about the stuff he's working on as a member of a very select group, the design team. Neil I wish you the very best of luck in your new role and hope it's the first step towards fame, fortune and shiny new toys.

Neil Wylie, games designer extraordinaire.

And now, last in deed but first in thought, is Dan Abnett and Nik Vincent, the first family of Black Library as far as I'm concerned. Dan's timetable during the day was...relentless, though he seemed to handle it all with his usual verve and charm. I never got the chance to speak to him though I'm so pleased I got to speak to Nik Vincent (aka Mrs. Abnett) who showed me the all the warmth (and did I mention patience?) that she is so well known for. It is always a great pleasure to speak to either of them and I sincerely hope to have to the opportunity to speak to Dan very soon. In fact when I mentioned to Nik that I hadn't had the chance to speak to Dan she said that I had all their details and should feel free to get in touch. Call me a girl's blouse if you must but I was really touched by that. Thank you Nik, that was so very kind of you.

I was also very pleased to hear that Nik is bringing Gilead back! Any longtime Warhammer Fantasy fans will know who I'm talking about and for those who don't...well that should clear that up. Gilead is set to return in around 10 short stories published in Hammer and Bolter with a novel to follow the year after. Very exciting news!

Dan Abnett

Dan waxes lyrical to a capacity audience during his seminar

Can't wait for next year's Games Day! And in the meanwhile, watch this space for news of upcoming reviews and interviews.

That's it, I'm spent! (throws down pen and minces off stage left)

My interview with Dan 'The Master' Abnett

2011-06-02T00:31:00.003+01:00

Part two of my interview with Dan Abnett went live on Boomtron.com about 5 hours ago and I wanted to post a link here for anyone who wanted to stop by and have a listen. We had a conversation over Skype which I recorded and it runs to just over one and a half hours.

It was tremendous fun and I may write a post about the overall experience but for now do please head over to Boomtron and download it to your internetz friendly devices or iStuff. I'm just a little proud of it, the conversation went better than I dared hope and the credit for that must go to Mr. Abnett who took my questions and comments and ran with them into all sorts of fascinating and entertaining places.

Thanks Dan, that was a blast. I hope we can talk again soon.

A letter to my MP

2011-05-26T12:09:00.006+01:00

Below is a letter I've sent to my MP, Mike Freer. I've wanted to write it for a while and I think the anger contained within is, in part, inspired by having held on to it for a while. I will of course post his response if and when I get one.

I have lost all hope in the UK's democracy, all the parties are much the same with different shiny faces on posters promising to help us and then screwing us sideways. Maybe this is the case in all democracies and I'm just painfully naive:

"Dear Mr Freer,

I am writing to you to register my disgust at the obscene rise in resident parking permit charges. In the current financial climate (and frankly at any other time) a 150% increase is simply ludicrous and cannot possibly be justified in legal terms as the case being brought to the high court makes abundantly clear.

Putting aside the asinine remarks of Brian Coleman for one moment, I would also like to bring to your attention the removal of all free bays from my local area. Until now those of us who were unable to afford the residents permits, or in my case refused to pay more money on top of my road tax to park outside my own house, have been able to use the free bays to park. The council's decision to remove those bays and thereby force all residents to purchase permits at the ludicrous new cost of £100 is a betrayal of those of us, myself included, who were foolish enough to vote Conservative in the last election.

I voted for you based upon the belief that the Conservative party were returning to their founding ideals, a minimalist government focussed upon the freedoms of the individual. Instead I have discovered that a Tory Barnet Council are worse, or at best equal, in taxation (secret and otherwise) and bureaucracy to the Labour government we just voted out!

My sense of disappointment is hard to convey. I sincerely regret having voted Conservative, having voted at all. It seems that this country's democracy is based upon voting, not for those who share your beliefs and ideals but for those I pray will do the least damage during their term. That is not a democracy of which I want to be a part.

Voting for the lesser of three evils is not a real choice.

I never wanted the resident's bays in the first place. To be charged over and above the ever increasing road tax to park outside my house has always struck me as a criminal attempt to drag more money from the government's favourite cash cow, the motorist. This criminality has now reached epidemic proportions under the government that I foolishly voted into office! I expect this sort of lunacy from Labour but the Conservatives? Is there any real idealogical difference between you anymore?

And as for Brian Coleman, after Mr Cameron's attempt to place the Conservative party into a more friendly light, to demonstrate to the masses that the Conservatives aren't a group of elitist rich boys who care not a jot for those of us not earning six figure salaries, I suspect his remarks have set back that goal significantly.

Can you offer me any hope that these ridiculous parking charges will be brought back to justifiable levels? Can you give me a reason to vote next time around?"

Roll a D6

2011-05-06T16:48:00.003+01:00

Just to prove to myself that I can write a really short but welcome blog post, I just had to share this hilarious parody music video written and produced by a buy called Connor Anderson.

It's a parody of the song Like a G6 by Far East Movement and by my reckoning a vast improvement over the original, check it out!

Roll a D6 from Connor Anderson on Vimeo.

A dubious celebration

2011-03-20T11:35:00.008Z

Anyone who's keeping an eye on the news or is alive/conscious in any way will be aware of the UN's air operations over Libya. This morning the RAF were giddy over their 3000 mile round trip bombing run over Libya, however, I can't help but feel that their celebration is just the teensiest bit absurd.

For me it's the equivalent of a man walking from London to Scotland because he scrapped his car the week before, convinced that he'd never need it again. It is without doubt a long walk and a great achievement but one can't help but feel that the man is a bit of a prat. Libya is a country with a huge northern coast which makes it an ideal theater for carrier operations. Unfortunately Cameron and co. saw fit to scrap Ark Royal and the Harrier squadrons leaving us with no choice but to fly half way around the world to drop some ordnance on yet another sandy, oil and blood soaked country.

Will the absurdity of the current operation move the ConDem party to reconsider the ill conceived SDSR? Nope. Cameron appears to be as stubborn as he is short sighted.

Don't get me wrong I celebrate the success and safe return of the RAF fighter crews but again can't help but feel that the RAF's (and the Army's) political manoeuvring that brought about the evisceration of the Royal Navy makes their victory a little hollow and leaves me deeply concerned for this country's safety in the long term. A carrier off Libya's coast would have been the far better option, with the ability to respond to the rapidly shifting tactical situation by having a significant hard power presence in the region.

Instead we send our Tornado's (an ageing airframe with little real future in modern conflicts) 3000 miles to throw some explosives at Gaddaffi's crumbling regime. Meanwhile the French, with their shiny Rafales and carrier Charles De Gaulle are doing the job properly with a clearly superior grasp of the strategic and tactical realities of the situation. All credit to them.

At least someone can see beyond the end of his nose...

Beware of Headlines...

2011-03-13T17:20:00.007Z

I came across this mini-headline on the BBC news website and was so incensed I did something I've never done before, I registered a complaint:

"I was astonished to see your headline, "Israel approves new Jewish settler homes in West Bank". Instead of placing the focus where it belongs, on the murder of innocents, a mother, a father and three children you instead run a headline that focusses upon Israel's response to the brutal murder of her citizens. To the casual scanner of headlines it seems that Israel is up to her old 'tricks', the provocative building of new settlements. Only after clicking the link and getting to the third paragraph does your reader discover that in fact a family had been murdered in cold blood; and what's more the Palestinians are seen to be celebrating it!

Everyone has their own biases but the BBC's apparent blindness to its own prejudice borders on the pathological. I am not writing to you with hope that this will change in any real way. I just wanted you to know that it hurt."

Israel is a controversial topic, but surely we can all get on board with the idea that the deliberate, calculated and cold blooded murder of children is a horrendous act that deserves unequivocal condemnation?! Apparently not.

And before the thought even starts to form don't anyone dare say 'yes, but...'. There are no yes buts when it comes to slitting the throats of sleeping children!

The photographs of what was found inside this family home are already on the net. I cannot post them here, I cannot even look at them. On a regular day perhaps I could find the strength to bear witness to an atrocity like this; but after spending the morning looking at Japan's devastation and heart rending losses I find myself much more fragile than usual.

I'm writing this post so that their murders don't get lost amidst all that is happening in the world at the moment. In quieter times I'd like to believe that this event would have received the horrified attention of the world.

On reflection, I think I'm being rather naive.

Update 14/03/11

Since writing the above I received a response from the BBC which I wanted to post for the sake of balance and to recognise my misperception and where I think they can do more.

"Dear Mr. Sobel,

Thank you for your e-mail. We initially covered the murders here on
Saturday:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-12721170

On Sunday, the announcement about new settlers' homes was made. Our West
Bank correspondent offered analysis saying that it was "hard not to see
the timing of the announcement as linked to the killings". We felt it
was appropriate therefore to recount the events at Itamar in this
context, and the photograph on the page highlighted the importance of
the killings.

However, this was not, as you suggest, our only coverage of the deaths,
but the latest version of developments, a normal practice in 24-hour
online journalism.

Best wishes,

BBC News website"

Please understand that what I'm about to say isn't about sour grapes. I just want something like this to receive the recognition it deserves. Personally I would be inclined to link the settlement story to the article they have sent me so as to make clear what the new story follows from. I must also acknowledge that as a practising Jew I did not see their coverage of the murders on Saturday and that my complaint above was made without knowledge of this coverage. Having now read it I really don't think it contains an expression of the horror of what happened but I recognise that this is very much a personal feeling that is perhaps beyond the scope of a News agency.

However, the broader point I've made above remains true. The premeditated and targeted murder of children would, anywhere else in the world, provoke horror and disgust. In this case it seems to have received barely a whimper. I think it's fair to say that events in Japan have overwhelmed the ability of most people to focus on anything beyond it, but please, do spare a thought for the three children robbed of their parents and siblings by a vicious murder.

Catch up time...now with added Wittgenstein

2011-02-21T22:18:00.007Z

Well, howdy y'all.

It has been a while since I sat down to write a proper post. Those that read my last post may recall that I had some notion of posting an academic essay of mine. I've since changed my mind. For starters I'm not at all happy with it, it's dry as a bone and despite the hours of work and weeks of stress and reading and more stress it doesn't read all that well and the ideas I've tried to discuss are too important to me to make a half-arsed job of conveying them to those outside the fold.

The essay tried to explore the concept of self-deception through the philosophy of Ludwig Wittgenstein and the role of Existential Psychotherapy in bringing self-deceptions to light and challenging the beliefs that make it seem so necessary. Not to mention how my own self-deceptions blind me in my work with my clients. Wittgenstein's work has inspired me in a way that few Existential philosphers have. His exploration of language as the building blocks of our world and its implications are as profound as they are overlooked. His writing is devoid of jargon and yet is immensely challenging to the Western mind, all the more so nowadays in a world where science and empiricism rule supreme. Where theories of mind/behaviour are postulated with all the force of holy writ.

Anyway, not posting it. It rather sucks. Which is a shame because I don't think I've ever worked harder on an essay in my life. I take some comfort from the knowledge that I picked a real bastard of a topic that is so very difficult. I'm not done with Wittgenstein though, I'm currently reading his Philosophical Investigations and struggling with it. The truth be told, his philosophy demands discussion to really understand it but alas, I've yet to find a discussion group. Yes, I'm sure there are groups online but that isn't what I meant. I meant a real, face-to-face discussion group with like minded souls. The accessibility of the internet has robbed us of that. Why meet when we can 'meet' online?

But there is so much more to language than words! So much that is lost when we write rather than speak face-to-face. Hypocrite? Yes, I suppose I am. Here I sit writing furiously while bemoaning its very real and severe limitations. But to refuse even dirty, brackish water in the desert is rather churlish and self-defeating I think. If writing is my only outlet then I must use it and equally must acknowledge its limitations.

More to language than words? Oh yes, yes, yes. Gesture, facial expression, posture, tone and rythm often say more than the words we may choose to use. And have you noticed how universal they are? Have you ever stopped to think about how weird it is that facial expressions, gestures etc. convey meaning so accurately across cultures and languages? I'm aware that there are some elements of body language that are unique to particular cultures and yet, given time, can be explained to an 'outsider' in such a way as to open it out to him/her. There is no such thing as a private language, this is a central thought in Wittgenstein's philosophy.

The Western world is convinced of the idea that words are representations of objects in the world and that a child learns what certain sounds refer to and so learns to speak. Is that really the case? Wittgenstein shows that it's a fiction that holds sway over the more delightful reality. That words are part of a web of language that incorporates words and all that I've mentioned above. Children don't learn a language in the mechanistic sense so beloved of the Scientific mind, they are initiated into language. A process taking many years and certainly beyond their school years.

I could go on and on but you really must have a look for yourself. His most accessible book is probably On Certainty. Accessible doesn't mean easy, it's really hard work but well worth the effort to engage with. Philosophical Investigations is also well worth the time to struggle with. For those who have an interest in the therapeutic application of his philosophy (and he believed his philosophical method to be therapy) you need look no further than John Heaton's excellent book, The Talking Cure.

I suppose that's as close as I can really get to show where I've been for the last few weeks. I've barely scratched the surface of what I've been wrestling with, and continue to wrestle with, but it will have to do for now. Please forgive my laziness, it's hard to find the right words in the right order to convey clearly what I've learned but I'm really tired and it's important to me to get it right. I will try again. It has had the most extraordinary effect on my work with clients. I suspect my next essay will also be focussed on Wittgenstein.

So, onto other things. Reviewing and interviewing has suffered a slowdown while I was in essay country and I'm having a hard time getting the creative juices flowing. I've got an interview to write with Dan Abnett and it's proving extremely difficult. All the authors I've interviewed to this point have been relatively new talent, what the hell do you ask the man that has done everything?! There's a little hero worship going on here and any regular readers of this blog will have heard his name mentioned in hallowed, reverent whispers. First things first, I have to write the intro...to give you some perspective Mr. Abnett is a remarkably humble and down-to-earth person who is going to be challenged by my glow-in-the-dark intro which will likely compare him favourably to the great heroes of the past. That's one hurdle I know I can overcome...I think.

It's the questions that have me stuck, what do I ask him? I know he's really involved in Marvel Comics but it's not a part of his work that I've really engaged with but I'm sure he'd love to talk about it. Also he's been writing almost as long as I've been alive so a fair few of my interview classics are going to have to be put to one side. Truth be told I've got to stop moaning and just get on with it. That creative vacuum from which ideas spring is a painful place to be and one in which I've spent a great deal of my time lately. I suppose I must buckle down and get back to it, I have to remind myself that when the flow inevitably hits I'll be loving every minute of it.

In other news, I'm skint. I've lost one of my part time jobs which means that money has been extraordinarily tight. I knew this was coming, I knew there would be a time of transition from 'trainee' therapist to qualified therapist which would require the building of a practise. I knew it would take time and leave me rather skint for a while and guess what? Knowing all that hasn't made it easier, not even slightly. I've been unable to fly for a while, though that's just as much to do with the awful weather as it is my cash strapped state.

Ooh, exciting news! Those lovely people at Black Library have added me to their reviewers list! This means that every two months they send me a box with one of every release...WOOHOO!!! This is a really exciting development that has gotten a little lost amidst my essay/cash preoccupations but I'm really pleased I was able to remember while writing this post.

For me it's a real validation of what I've been doing over the last year for BSC Review, speaking of which, my angel of an editor has offered me a payed writing gig for the site which only adds to my sense of WOOHOO! I had to turn it down because I was deeply mired in writing academic nonsense but she made it clear that the door was open if I decided it was something I wanted to do. I'm mulling it over at the moment, I hope that the review I'm working on (in the loosest sense of the word working) and the interview will give me a creative boost that might tempt me into taking up the post. It isn't a lot of money, it's more about the recognition that the offer of payment implies. I'm really rather pleased with myself (a rare event).

Still on the BSC topic, author Aaron Dembski Bowden has now started writing for the site. This is something in which I played a small role which I now mention for a brief moment of preening show-offiness.

And with that dispensed with I think I'm done for now. Bloody nora that's a long post, sorry about that. I hope you feel it was of some interest.

It has certainly served to remind me of how much I enjoy writing :)

Still not dead...yet.

2011-01-20T16:09:00.003Z

I know I've been quiet of late. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, 'tis better that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing useful to say rather than spew molten randomness everywhere which can only serve to further damage our hard pressed ozone layer. Besides, in a world where climate change is an ever present worry, more hot air is probably not going to help matters.

I am currently up to my neck writing/researching for a paper on Self deception in psychotherapy from a Wittgensteinian perspective (my life is all about the fun). The deadline is in 19 days and I've yet to start the writing part. After that deadline, one way or the other, I look forward to writing a post.

I'm seriously considering posting my paper for all of you. I hope to write a paper that is accessible to all those fortunate souls who haven't read any existential philosophy and yet seem perfectly able to go on existing.

Primary Instinct by Sarah Cawkwell - review

2010-10-10T18:44:00.004+01:00

I mentioned in my last post that I would write a review of newcomer Sarah Cawkwell's debut story in Hammer and Bolter when I was done reading it. Well, I've just finished the story, so here's the review.

The story describes the fortunes of an assault squad of Silver Skulls Space Marines, the 'Reckoners', deployed to the jungle world of Ancerios III to search out the possible crash site of an Eldar vessel along with any clues regarding the fate of the crew. Ploughing through the dense jungle the Marines discover a sinister alien life form that opens their eyes to a new threat; the implications of which are as disturbing as they are far-reaching.

The opening paragraphs build a vivid picture of the world she has thrown the squad into and I found her descriptive prose a joy to read. It seems to take every human sense into account in building the picture, leading to a remarkably holistic experience. Initially her beginner's nerves show themselves in the somewhat out-of-character dialogue of lead protagonist Brother Sergeant Ur'ten but within the space of the first few 'pages' (kindle pages) she seems to find her confidence and in the words of Dan Abnett, kick in the door and take no prisoners. The pace of the story ebbs and flows with the skill of a veteran and Cawkwell adds a very welcome sense of mystery to the proceedings as the plot unfolds.

The combat scenes are gripping and suitably fast paced while still managing to move the story forward rather than indulging in pure shooty-death-kill-in-space. Brother Sergeant Ur'ten grows steadily as a character, displaying a welcome measure of self-knowledge and a combat competence born of over a century of fighting in the Emperor's name. In addition, Ur'ten's supporting cast are equally compelling; though special mention must go to Prognosticator Bhehan, who in the Silver Skulls takes the role of Librarian with a hint of Chaplain. He is a really great character, who in truth deserves the title of joint lead protagonist as he adds a great deal of depth and subtlety to an already excellent story.

As far as true-to-canon goes, and this is a big one in this genre, Cawkwell brings the already developed background of this chapter, sparse as it is, and then adds gently to it in a way that never jars. She paints the picture of a proud and deeply religious chapter that looks to it's Prognosticators for both battle and spiritual guidance, seeing their warp powered visions as communications from the Emperor.

I really loved this story. Despite the very early awkwardness Cawkwell has, for me, really established her bona fides as a talented 40k storyteller.

I look forward to reading more, soon. (Please?)

Black Library go Digital!

2010-10-08T13:59:00.009+01:00

I've waited a long time for this day but at last it's here. The publishers who provide me with the majority of my leisure reading material are going digital!

By the end of October, Black Library's digital store will be open and I'll be able to buy all of my favourite author's work for my Kindle. As any long time reader of this blog may remember, my reluctance to buy the Kindle was based primarily upon the fact that the sort of stuff I like to read wasn't available on it, but no longer!

As part of their publicity campaign Black Library will be releasing an e-book every Friday for the next five weeks, gratis, to give people a taste of what to expect. This week's release is First and Only by Dan Abnett. If there are any of you out there with an ebook reader, including an iPhone or iPad, head over here and download the zip file.

I think I've made my feelings fairly clear on all things Warhammer 40,000. It's dystopian Science Fiction of the very best kind and should be read by all people with a taste for SF. The reason most people don't try is because the aforementioned world is thought of as being hard to get into, I'm going to ignore the tie-in fiction snobs who think it's beneath them.

I think Dan Abnett's First and Only is a great introduction. It is a series of short stories that introduce you to a unique Imperial Guard regiment and their battles, both internal and in a universe at war. I have long considered Mr. Abnett The Master and this book, one of his earlier works, set the foundation stone in my temple of Abnett...so to speak...I don't in any way have a candlelit shrine to this most gifted author, that would be madness, MADNESS I SAY.

Ahem.

Anyway, the other little bit of exciting news from those lovely people at Black Library is the release of their new digital-only fiction magazine, Hammer and Bolter.

Anyone already familiar with Games Workshop may remember Inferno magazine, which created a space for aspiring authors to show us their work in short story form. It also gave the opportunity for established writers to delve into the 40k and Warhammer Fantasy worlds in short story format rather than the novels they are more used to writing.

Hammer and Bolter will now fulfill this role. The first issue was on a CD that Black Library made available at Games Day and I'm in the middle of reading through it and enjoying it enormously. Just one point though guys and girls, please make Issue 2 with a selectable content page! (I'm sure they're already on it but I thought I'd mention it).

The newcomer's role is ably played by Sarah Cawkwell in her debut story, Primary Instinct, a little review of which I may post here when I get to it. Admittedly I've had a peek and been very impressed at her vivid world-building prose but I'll wait until I've read the whole story before saying anymore.

So, an exciting time for me reading wise. My Kindle has gotten more use in the last two weeks than the last year and I can't wait to see what the future holds for this publisher. The digital-only format of this magazine might limit the readership initially but with more and more people with iPhones and the like, it may open this universe out to people who might not otherwise have bothered. I hope so, it's really great stuff.

Games Day UK 2010

2010-09-26T20:05:00.009+01:00

I'm freshly returned from Games Workshop's annual main event, Games Day. I'm exhausted as only other convention goers know and I must now head over to some dive bar in Camden Town for a friends leaving party as he's heading off for warmer climes. What a day.

First off a small confession, I spent a boatload of money. This means that food is going to be scarce in the coming month but I laugh in the face of hardship...particularly when it's self-inflicted. My upcoming fast aside, it was a great day for a number of reasons which if you'll stick around, I'll now share with you.

Firstly, shiny new toys; but if the truth be told shiny new toys are buyable all year round and when added to the teeth-grindingly-frustrating queueing snafu's it means that next year I'll be ordering my stuff online and spending less time in queues that moveth not. Well done Forgeworld for putting office weenies in charge of an immensely busy retail stand while experienced retail staff were rolling posters...not your finest hour.

Secondly, I used to work for Games Workshop so it was a rare chance to catch up, face to face, with a couple of friends with whom I used to work and together foam at the mouth about all the exciting new things that the hobby is producing...at a rate guaranteed to bankrupt me before I learn anything approaching self control.

However, it was a real and truly rare pleasure to meet with all of my favourite authors in one place. For anyone new to this blog, I write book reviews and conduct author interviews for a really great website, BSC Review.com; the books I review are mostly, though not all, from Black Library's dark and dust coated halls and seeing as how Black Library is Games Workshop's publishing arm all of the authors whose books I've reviewed were there. Including awesome newcomer Aaron Dembski Bowden with whom I recently did an interview.

But here's the cool thing, I had expected to have to introduce myself to all of them. Bear in mind, this is the internet, I'd never met any of these people. Our 'relationships' were entirely confined to email and yet...each and every one of them recognised me instantly! The astonishing weirdness of being recognised by people whose work I've admired is hard to describe. There was only one person to whom I needed to introduce myself as I'd expected, Dan Abnett.

This was entirely as it should be.

I've been inspired by this man's writing for a very very long time and for this reason I've yet to review one of his books. I was afraid that my words would be nothing more than the frothy ravings of a fanboy and therefore of little use to anyone else. However, I recently decided it was time to bite the bullet and talk about my experience of one of his books in what is commonly called a 'review'. I believe objectivity to be a myth, my reviews are simply a record of my reading experience...

Anyhoo, not having done a review of his work and having only spoken through email he was unlikely to have come across my scratchings online and so I had to say hi and explain who I was. I've got to tell you all, the sheer warmth and down-to-earth nature of this man really moved me. This feeling was already engendered while I was queueing elsewhere and watching him speak to people lining up to get his autograph, each one was greeted warmly and the greeting then mirrored by his wife, another extraordinary writing talent by the name of Nik Vincent, who was equally warm and unassuming. If there were any two writers more able to rest on their laurels it's Dan Abnett and Nik Vincent, but the only thing on show was humility.

I had a chance to chat to them both later as Mr. Abnett and I discussed the options for my upcoming interview with him and was again struck by how helpful and generous he was. Alright, time to stop frothing but it's so nice to meet a hero and have him/her be all you hoped and more.

And here's another really cool thing, this was one of a number of amazing chats with authors whose work I've reviewed and their gift, admired. Mark Newton, who in his day job works for Black Library and in the cold watches of the night is better known as Mark Charan Newton, fantasy author extraordinaire. He was a real pleasure to talk to, quiet and unassuming and yet very clearly a talent to be reckoned with. I'm currently reading his second novel City of Ruin with a review to follow and hopefully soon after with an eInterview for BSC review. All in all I've got a busy few months ahead with reviews and interviews galore...I know that's only two interviews I've mentioned but there are a few more on the cards which I'm going to keep to myself for now.

I'm not going to recall the details of every conversation with all the authors I had the privilege of speaking to today, though Chris Wraight was a real gentleman and I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation; plus I had the chance to chat with Andy Hoare about Deathwatch and pick his brain for some insights I can use when running a game...I said I wasn't going to recount them all so I'll stop there.

The other little joy of the day was finding myself surrounded by people who share many of my more geek like passions, little chats together while queueing, passing comments while looking at the same cabinet filled with shiny new toy soldiers for all of us man-children.

Having the opportunity to reconnect with old friends, to meet face to face with some personal heroes all while fellow geeks thronged around us. What a day, I'm almost worried I won't be able to sleep tonight...

...I'll likely be unconscious before my head hits the pillow :)

Going postal over Going Postal!

2010-09-08T12:00:00.001+01:00

I'm going to assume that you're all big fans of Terry Pratchett and have read his masterpiece, Going Postal. If you haven't, consider this a spoiler warning. I'm going to talk about the book and the recent television adaptation, there may well be an impassioned rant. You have been warned.

Sky One recently did an adaptation of Terry Pratchett's discworld novel Going Postal for TV which has recently been released on DVD. I bought the special edition post haste and sat down to watch it with barely controlled glee. This is one of my favourite discworld novels, the characters are all fascinating, the comedy both hilarious and insightful as only Terry Pratchett knows how and the story is grab-you-by-the...appendage-of-choice fantastic. An adaptation for television created in close collaboration with the master himself, well, this is the stuff of dreams. This wasn't the first that Sky One had done, they had also made Hogfather which was very enjoyable and stayed mostly true to the book.

With my hopes suitably high I, as mentioned above, sat down to watch. Initially it seemed that they would stay true to the book which, combined with some stunning visuals and an in-the-flesh Sergeant Angua, made me really pleased...and then they took this masterpiece and utterly destroyed it with a cruelty enhanced by the hope that had been initially engendered!

Bastards! The protagonist, Moist Von Lipwig (yes, he's heard every possible joke) is a complex and charming character who's grossly simplified in this televisual excretion and worse still a story of magnificent depth is reduced to a dumbed down made-for-TV farce that farts in the general direction of the book from which it was snatched!

Sir Terry, I am moved to ask, what on earth were you all thinking?! You got it so right the first time, why have you reduced it to such a dumb and dumber moronfest?! Reacher Gilt is supposed to be a rakishly charming, master con-artiste but is reduced to a barely sane blithering idiot whose hammed performance made watching him a problem for this Jewish boy, I don't do ham!

The relationship between Moist and Adora, which in the book is a subtle and refreshingly realistic one is made into a will-they-won't-they ride reminiscent of the worst that Hollywood would throw at us. Even more insulting you chuck in an unsubtle and patronising message about the dangers of smoking!

I realise that changes are going to be made when adapting a novel for the screen but this was an utter annihilation of what should have become an instant classic. It should have been serialised into around 6 episodes so that the true depth of the story could be appreciated by all. Of course I also realise that there was not unlimited funds and so characters and parts had to be cut, but the cut parts were replaced with such banal simplicity! Moist is told to win the race or be hanged, what the hell?! Do you really imagine your audience to be so pathetic? Must you try to pull on all the most cliched levers to get people interested, whatever happened to trusting your audience? And so subtlety and nuance are sacrificed on the altar of 'drama' aimed at the lowest common denominator!

I started to read the book again shortly after finishing the DVD, I needed to restore my sense of the story as it should have been. It has only highlighted for me what a terrible shame, a waste, this tv adaptation has been. The book is replete with powerful and emotive themes that are completely missing in the film or have been changed into an unsubtle morality lecture for the deeply stupid.

I could honestly go on and on about what was wrong with this...mess but I think my point is fairly clear. On a more positive note, honourable mention must go to Andrew Sach's excellent portrayal of Junior Postman Groat and generally speaking the casting was spot on. Charles Dance as Vetinari was a master stroke (dyed black hair would have cinched it), Richard Coyle as Moist is perfect and Claire Foy's Adora Belle Dearheart seemed to jump off the page and onto the screen. It's just a shame that such talent was wasted on a pale, pale shadow of a great story.

Jack of some trades, Master of nothing-at-all

2010-09-05T01:56:00.009+01:00

I think it's time to accept something. I'm not a frequent poster.

I wish I was, I truly do. Unfortunately I suffer from jack-of-all-trades syndrome. I want to do everything, I keep discovering new things I enjoy doing, and seem to have a knack for, only to be distracted by something else. If I were to settle down to do a limited number of things I might begin to achieve some sort of mastery but nooo. My kitten-like attention span will outlast my interests every time. One of the stages of growing up is learning to close the circle of ones existence. To recognise the limits of time and choose what will be your life's pursuits and, importantly, what there will realistically never be time for. I can't seem to do this.

I recently decided that since I enjoyed drawing with pencils and whatnot (also a relatively recent discovery) I might get my hands on a Tablet and draw on the old PC. I figured it would take a while to get used to drawing like that but lo and behold I settled to it like a duck to water. I then added a book on cartoon drawing, which was my aim to start with, and the results of my first experiment lie below.

If you're wondering why he's wearing, what would appear to be, a pseudo-Starfleet dress uniform then your guess is as good as mine, it just kind of happened. I was only supposed to draw the head but the stylus just kept on going.

I'm describing what is, for me, an ongoing frustration.

I've also only recently tried writing as any regular readers will know, have I continued to pursue it? Nope. I started a story which got some really good feedback and which I really enjoyed, have I even looked at it in months, no. AAARRRGGHHH!!! Annoying much?

The primary reason is that the inspiration died; but a true artist pushes through that, tries to find it again rather than waiting for it to strike but since these are hobbies I find I move on with barely a whimper. Only to find myself regretting my lack of discipline a few months later. I also play the flute, something I was getting really good at before the inspiration died. Now, I've picked it back up again and am kicking myself because the flute requires the development of muscles in the lips to form what's called the embouchure, and since I've slacked off so have the muscles and I must develop them all over again...until of course I lose the will and move on to something else!

I have more hobbies and interests than any twenty people I know but lack the maturity or discipline to develop any of them to a level that my profoundly perfectionist self is happy with. I've been sitting here toying with the idea of starting a webcomic but know that it will die before it even starts, or worse still, once I've gotten going. And yet I know it's something I might do well if I could stick to it. Well, that or the any of the hundred other things I've learned about myself.

I have, over the last few years, discovered a great many talents that I never knew I had or had been told I'd never be good at. It sometimes feels like I was asleep for thirty years and have only just recently awoken to myself. As a matter of fact this is more true than I really want to admit.

I take some comfort from my work as a therapist, which continues to develop and grow. It's a rare field of endeavour where the personal and professional are often one and the same.

It seems that for the moment at least, I must continue to discover things and then watch them disappear until I am able to close the circle and discover what my life is really going to be about both beyond my professional activities and within them. The bugger is, I'm 35 and feel that I should be well past this stage but alas, it seems I still have a ways to go.

It's both a fascinating journey and source of immense frustration.

News in Brief

2010-08-12T01:57:00.003+01:00

Well, a bit of a red letter day for me. My interview with author extraordinaire Aaron Dembski Bowden went live today on BSC Review.

The interview has been a long time in the pipeline mostly due to Aaron's insane writing schedule but at last it's there for all to see. I'm pleased overall with my questions, though there's always room for improvement, but I'm really thrilled with his answers. The interview is everything I hoped it would be. My first book review ever was of his first novel so it seems fitting to have done the interview. It looks like I'm not alone in recognising his immense talent.

My next author interview is already booked and will be with......you thought I was going to give the game away didn'tcha, no chance. Tee hee hee :~)

I'm on holiday at the moment and so tomorrow...make that later this morning, I'm going to sit down and start to work on the interview questions. I'm feeling blank at the moment but that's often the case until I sit down and get to it.

Do check out the interview and leave a comment.

I hope to have another post soon but for now I'm signing off, it's 2am and I'm exhausted.

Flying Again!

2010-07-01T15:56:00.014+01:00

I return to you after a lengthy period of silence. Call it what you will but I've been suffering from a real dearth of writing inspiration and would rather post nothing than some mindless drivel to fill in the space.

Having said that, I'm still stuck so I'm going to give the drivel a go in the hope it will spark off some creative energy. I really need to write.

So, what's news with me? Well, after a couple of years out of it I've revalidated my pilot's license and gotten back up there in a big way. Part of me thought that flying as a hobby, which in the UK is prohibitively expensive, was something I can't afford at the moment and that there would be some maturity in being able to give it up. That's turned out to be a load of nonsense. I really missed it and whether I want to call it a lack of maturity or not it turns out that being a pilot is a really important part of me.

I was flying again on Sunday with my favourite instructor of all time to practise my forced landings and just generally polish things up. During the flight he suggested to me that we practise recovering from a spiral dive. Reheheally I thought, sounds intriguing. Dear G-d it was fun! I once did a little aerobatics and thoroughly enjoyed it, those memories were awakened by this little experience and the urge to get more into aerobatics grabbed me by the...hand and hasn't really let go. Something to hold onto for a time when I'm earning a decent wage.

Banking the aircraft over into a 60 degree turn and then pulling G in an attempt to pull the nose up...this is what leads to a spiral dive. The airspeed goes through the roof and altimeter crashes through the floor. Left unchecked you'll soon be a smoking hole in the ground. So, throttle back, level the wings, then pull the nose up gently. Let the speed drop below 100 knots then throttle up and climb away. Simple and straightforward, but to someone who generally navigates from A to B, straight and level, it was tremendous fun. By the time we landed I was asking him to show me how to recover from a spin! Another time perhaps...

At the end of our flight on Sunday (after only two hours together, turns out it's a lot like riding a bike) he pronounced me ready to go! I've got my wings back and it really feels great. Many before me have waxed lyrical about the joys of flying, I know why. There's something profound about strapping a plane to your back (the planes are pretty small) and flying wherever the fancy takes you. There's a tremendous sense of peace to be gotten from looking down at the rolling British countryside from 2400ft with all your worries back on the ground with all the earthbound people. The rumble of the engine through my headset, the familiar smell of the cockpit, the comforting sound of other pilots on the radio. It's an intoxicating place to be.

Say hello to my little friend,

I've spent some truly happy times in that little plane and have developed a real attachment to old 'Zulu Oscar'. Here's to many more years of happy flying in her!

Oh, and one more picture that I took from the cockpit. This is the mouth of the river Thames on the east coast. I'm at around 2,200ft flying in from the East and the town to the right, through the clouds, is Southend.

...Wow! Would you bleedin' credit it? Just rambling led somewhere meaningful. Time to change the title from 'Various and Sundry' to something more appropriate.

Not Dead Yet

2010-06-09T23:22:00.004+01:00

No, really, I'm not. I know I've been quiet of late. Please don't think this means I've given up on the blogging lark, I haven't. Most other blogs I read are generally about the day-to-day life of the blogger. My life isn't that interesting, which is why I've focussed on what interests me rather than what happens to me.

The truth is that much of what is meaningful in my life I can't write about. I'm a therapist in advanced training. I can't really talk about the training because what goes on is confidential and, rather worryingly, provides me with perhaps the greatest source of inspiration, meaningful relationships and sense of belonging I have right now.

I most certainly can't talk about my clinical work for very obvious reasons.

So, what's left? At the moment a lot of personal struggle, emotional pain and no small amount of frustration. I know that some people use that in blogs to great effect. I don't believe I'm one of them. It's not that I'm incapable of speaking openly. It's that I'm not willing to put deeply personal material on the interwebs for all to see, I just don't feel safe to do it. Besides which, it really isn't that interesting.

So, please bear with me. The inspiration to write, to be creative, will return.

I hope.

The Arms Trade Equivalency

2010-05-03T23:30:00.009+01:00

I hope you'll forgive the Big Bang Theory-esque title but I've been on a bit of a Big Bang Theory bender for the last two weeks.

This is actually a serious topic but the scale of moral bankruptcy at the heart of the international arms trade is so horrendous as to border on the farcical, hence the comedy title. The more one explores this particular business the more one is forced to recognise that this 'civilised' world of ours is so much horse manure. The men and women in this trade aren't evil in the traditional sense of the word though those at the top certainly come close. They have families, they sing lullabys to their kids, give to charitable causes, help old ladies cross the road and when you pass them on the street they, generally speaking, don't reek of brimstone.

And yet they are involved in the most legal-yet-heinous trade imaginable. There are a number of books on the topic as well as this recent expose on how the UK governement has set up a Quango (Quasi non governmental organisation) to facilitate the growth of such companies. When I read the expose I wanted to say to its author, dude, this isn't news. Our government and governments all over the world have been bending over backwards for the arms trade since time immemorial. Despite all the exposes, books & documentaries it has continued, nay, expanded exponentially!

Make no mistake, weapons are necessary. Therefore their trade is necessary. What I'm talking about is the utter lack of regulation or even the whiff of moral guidance at the heart of this trade.

However, when such people are pinned down and asked how they live with themselves when they knowingly sell weapons to regimes with records of gut wrenching human rights abuses they answer, almost to man/woman "Well, if I don't sell them the weapons someone else will. So I may as well make the money and then use it to right all wrongs."

Okay, arms dealers don't say that last bit but governments do. They say, well, the arms trade is a reality that isn't going to change anytime soon. Why would we close off this huge potential revenue for our economy when everyone is in on the game? Let's sell weapons to all and sundry and in addition to then knowing what they have, including strengths and weaknesses, we will have loads of money available to combat their evil in other ways. I mean after all if we don't sell them guns, aircraft, tanks etcetera someone else certainly will.

Here's the bugger though. I can't argue with that. I really want to but the logic seems flawless. If Britain (Her arms dealers anyway), for example, decided to bow out of the unregulated arms trade and agreed to sell weapons only to those who they are confident will use them for self defence or some other morally defensible use, then Britain will lose out billions of pounds and do absolutely nothing, nothing at all, to stop the sale of arms to 'nations of concern'.

And so, Britain makes no effort to change and in fact goes out of its way to support an unregulated arms trade and so does everyone else because there is little point in doing otherwise. In addition, the tax earned on these huge arms deals can be used to support much needed change in countries of concern. Then, should the government have a brief call of conscience and decide to go into said country and clean things up they will be intimately familiar with the weapons being pointed at their soldiers. That last comment is only slightly tongue-in-cheek.

Can anyone answer this question, what is the flaw in the argument presented above? There needs to be flaw!

I can think of one reason to stop the unregulated trade. It's morally wrong to sell weapons to people who will use them for evil purpose regardless of how you'll lose out monetarily. It's really as simple as that, however, I need a counter-argument that will leave a mark on people apparently not swayed by ethical or moral concerns.

We call them politicians.

An Election of Personalities

2010-04-28T16:26:00.003+01:00

For those of who live somewhere else on this planet of ours, Great Britain aka the United Kingdom aka England...bloody hell, why do we have so many names?! ...Anyway, we British types are about to have our general election.

On May 6th people all over the country will be entering a polling booth and putting a mark next to their candidate of choice and so will a new government be born, we hope. However, one theme that I keep hearing from journalists, print, radio & television, is their concern that politics, and more specifically the election, is fast becoming a game of personalities over policies. This is generally spoken of in what I feel is a rather superior, smug tone that tells you in no uncertain terms that they will be voting based solely on the candidates policies.

Well, how lovely for them. I started thinking, what do I look for in a candidate? Am I persuaded by personality or policy or both? And if it is personality alone that hooks me, is that a bad thing?

No, I don't believe it is a bad thing. I believe an ideal would be to pay close attention to both but if I make my decision based on my perception of their personality it is a valid use of my vote. Why? Well, a big part of our personalities is our collection of values, morals and beliefs with which we face the world and make decisions. In an ever changing world I use the moral compass that my upbringing, learning and experience has given me to decide what's right, what's wrong and what's somewhere inbetween.

When I base my voting decision on personality, it isn't a case of 'ooh he has a nice smile'. It's about my belief that this candidate seems to share my values, my view of the world. I say belief because we never entirely know what goes on in what Terry Pratchett so poetically calls 'the darkness behind the eyes'.

Today's news is full of Gordon Brown's microphone gaff in which, forgetting that he had a mic pinned to his lapel, made a critical remark about a voter he had just spent some time with. This has of course created an uproar about the difference between his public and private face. Let me tell you something, our public faces are no less a part of us than our private faces. Ian Dunt, editor of the excellent Politics.co.uk, has written a very eloquent article addressing the hypocrisy of the media in holding Mr. Brown to standards that few human beings achieve in a lifetime.

Okay, I'm getting off my point so back to it.

My point is this, policies change, the world is ever changing. Basing my vote purely on policies that may well prove unrealistic, no longer necessary or even based upon flawed reasoning seems foolish. However, if I choose a candidate based on my perception of his/her personality or put another way, the collection of values and beliefs that forms the core of their decision making selves then at least I know that regardless of what the world throws at us this person will make a decision based upon a similar set of values to my own.

What more can I realistically ask for in so uncertain a world?

DearthCon 2010

2010-04-17T21:53:00.008+01:00

I know it's been a short while since I last posted but rumours of my death were greatly exaggerated. I've been really busy and, if I'm honest, trying to recover from a touch of burnout.

Okay, now that I've made my excuses I can get to my point. No, I'm not announcing a new convention in the UK as the title of this post may suggest.

I am in fact mourning the utter dearth of good scifi/fantasy conventions in this part of the world with my own inimitable literary excretions. I have searched this great interwebs of ours to see what was on offer and recently came across one that gave me some hope. Eastercon 2010 a.k.a Odyssey 2010 at the Radisson Edwardian Hotel near Heathrow in London. I couldn't go for the first two days but I was hoping to go on the Sunday with some like minded friends.

So, the night before we checked out the following day's programme to see what we could look forward to...well long story short. Nothing. Unless of course I wanted classes in BDSM, yes seriously. What the hell that has to do with SciFi or fantasy I have no idea but there it was on the schedule along with Ikea classes and other assorted nonsense. Most of the good talks were over and done with on day one of the convention followed by two more days of almost unbroken banality. My narrowly avoided experience is echoed by this blog post written by author extraordinaire Graham McNeill.

The convention before that, for me anyway, was the MCM Expo. I went there very excited and returned thoroughly underwhelmed. I was worried about spending too much money, I needn't have. There was nothing there worth buying. In the end I bought a hardback copy of the Watchmen graphic novel just so I could pretend excitement about the whole day.

To be honest some of this is a case of "take a cell/mobile phone into a third world village for the first time" syndrome. What I mean is that before I was made aware of what the world has to offer in terms of conventions, and by 'the world' I mean the ol' US of A, my standards and expectations were set really low. However, now that I maintain an online 'connection' with the likes of Felicia Day, Wil Wheaton, Scott Kurtz, Mike & Jerry at Penny Arcade (all convention stalwarts) and see the amazing...yeah I'll say it, inspiring conventions that they attend and in the case of Penny Arcade Expo, make, and frankly my old two cans and piece of string setup just don't cut it anymore. I want an all singing, all dancing mobile phone! Or, metaphor aside, a decent convention with decent guests about more than just SciFi/fantasy books!

Convention organisers, how about paying attention to the ever growing gaming culture, whether computer/console or tabletop? I think I remember Jerry Holkins (it may have been Mike Krahulik) once saying that Penny Arcade Expo aka PAX was the convention that should have existed but didn't. Sadly we in the UK lack the visionary types like Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik to make the convention that is so sorely lacking here.

I think the reality is that geeks, already a (vocal) minority, are really small in the UK compared to the States. I think convention organisers look at their marketing numbers and give up. I think they're wrong.

There are more of us than you think. You build a decent convention that really represents the geek scene, invite some of the names I've mentioned above and we will come. In a comment I left on her blog, Felicia Day told me that she would love to come to the UK for a convention appearance.

Would someone please make the convention that doesn't exist but really should here in the UK? I would, I've honestly thought about it, but my time is spoken for.

Is it only the Americans that have what it takes to celebrate everything geek?

The Frustrations of Fanhood

2010-03-28T02:05:00.005+01:00

I'm not certain that Fanhood is even a word...well let's say it is now. I read a really great blog post tonight about something that is rather close to my heart. I'm not entirely certain why...okay I am, but I don't really want to share it with everyone.

Written by someone who I only know by the Twitter handle of @shockingblu it is a wonderful personal exploration of her experience of being a fan. A music fan, a TV show fan, a scifi fan and so on.

What Miss Blue has said really strikes a chord with me. You should read her post yourself because it is both eloquent and well written but I will, very briefly, summarise what I feel is her key point. For her being a fan isn't about collecting fan points by meeting your heroes in 'drive by' opportunities so often found at conventions or book signings. It's about wanting to forge a genuine connection with someone whose work has inspired and moved you.

Amen to that Miss Blue!

I don't bother with signings and conventions. Don't get me wrong, I go to conventions but I never queue up to see my hero/heroine (on the exceedingly rare occasion that any of them come to the UK). Why? Because what I really want is to have a chat with them about their work and their world, to gain an insight into their own personal inspirations and perhaps to share with them how what they do every day moves me. This is simply never going to happen. What will happen instead is that I will appear before them with a queue waiting impatiently behind me, make around twenty seconds of small talk while they sign whatever piece of random merchandise I've brought for signing and then move on. Right now I can't really think of a more unsatisfying and frustrating experience.

Miss Blue is also spot on about the average celebrity's (internet or otherwise) guarded approach to fans. Please don't get me wrong, they must be guarded. Their reputation, public perception and sometimes personal safety can be on the line when dealing with fans. The sad consequence of this is that I will, no, must be treated the same way as anyone else. It's the nature of the business.

To be clear, I'm not necessarily talking about any kind of friendship. I'm one of millions and I have it on good authority that people can only maintain relationships with around 150 people at a time. What I'm talking about is a connection, even a fleeting one. A genuine connection to another human being is a rare and precious thing and no less so for being brief. Rather than signing my 'whatever' I'd prefer to have a candid five minute chat but that isn't what's on offer and according to Miss Blu and based on my limited experience I agree with her, it isn't what most fans want.

Do you know I've never understood the point of the autograph? What's it supposed to be? Proof positive that I've met the undersigned? As if my life is populated with friends who wouldn't believe me without proof? Is it to prove it to myself, a record of an experience? I don't need it!

Let me share with you something that happened to me about six months ago at the MCM Expo. I went along primarily because it was a scifi/gaming convention and as such was a rare creature in this country. Use 'em or lose 'em! I was also tempted to go by the announcement that Terry Farrell and Nicole DeBoer would be in attendance. I loved their work on Star Trek Deep Space Nine and laughed a great deal at Terry Farrell's work on Becker. In my heart of hearts I knew I'd not get the chance to really see or speak to them but hope is sometimes a terrible thing and so off I went. Truth to be told, I didn't even set eyes upon them until the last hours of the day and the only opportunity on offer was to have your picture taken with one or both of them. I wasn't really interested in a picture but, again, that's what was on offer so I stood near the stand and thought about it. I watched them with the guy before me and they seemed animated and engaged and I thought, hey let's say hi and tell them how much I've enjoyed their work. So I said to the tired and harried woman taking bookings, yes please.

What then became clear to me was that the animation I'd witnessed was mostly inspired by their belief that they had taken their last picture after a long day...it seems they were not thrilled by the thought of one more short, fat fanboy wanting a picture. Terry Farrell handled it with what I felt was real grace under the circumstances, Miss DeBoer on the other hand dealt with it by ignoring me completely.

Do you know something, I don't blame her at all. After a day of being treated, I suspect, much like a piece of meat for people to score celebrity points off she must have been ready to split. I look at that picture now and am reminded of an embarassing and thoroughly unsatisfying experience and what's more I didn't say more than two words to either of them. Connection? I shudder to think about how far from that lofty goal I was. Keep the pictures and authographs, spare me two minutes of your time for a genuine conversation. That's what is meaningful to me.

I wonder if the people I've come to so admire, Felicia Day, Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik, Tom Siddell & Wil Wheaton for example, have a different experience of and with fans? I suspect that they experience fans who are more like Miss Blue and I than any of the variety that Miss Blue so vividly describes. And yet, the result is much the same. They can only be spread so thin, they cannot possibly connect with the millions who admire their work and want a connection...I realise I'm not painting a very hopeful picture.

So what's left for the admiring fanboy/girl? Well, I suppose to admire from a great distance. To take inspiration while being sure to say thanks. And to be grateful that there are people in the world who you're inspired by, even if you are never to make a personal connection.

A frustration of the human condition I suppose.

What Do You Do?

2010-03-24T00:41:00.009Z

Can you think of a more ubiquitous question when meeting someone new? It seems that we're driven to define ourselves by what we do for a living. I think that this is part of a powerful need to maintain a static, unchanging image of ourselves. The reality that new experience changes us all the time is too unsettling and so we search for clear definitions. I'm a lawyer, accountant, doctor etc etc. How limiting is that?!

It's also something about the western worship of money. If some of what you 'do' doesn't produce the green, well, it's basically a waste of time. "No, no Phil don't get us wrong" some well meaning acquaintances will say, "it's nice but where's the bottom line?"

I'm far from immune to this phenomena, in fact I know that much of my life has been a mad scramble to define myself in clear and unequivocal terms and prove that I can earn a living. It's only now with the little maturity that has crept up on me that I find myself rebelling against this drive. What do I do? Just once I'd love to answer, "me? Oh, I'm a gamer/blogger/writer" and stand there as they try to work out where the money is. This is followed by the delightful moment when they say, with a perplexed look on their face, "no, I meant what you do for a living?"

Tee hee, I think I'll save that one for someone heinously pretentious :)

What got me thinking about this was, once again, Wil Wheaton. He wrote a post tonight about some sage advice he received from an acting teacher. The advice was to make sure there was a space in your life to do what you do for the love of it, not just for money. And, of equal importance, not to allow yourself to be defined entirely by what you do. To find something else you're passionate about and get to it. In Wil's case what he did back then was, of course, acting and the teacher's words were geared towards that but I think it's clear from his blog that he sees this as good advice to anyone who has a creative streak or does something creative for a living.

Don't just be defined by your day job or the need to earn money, explore your depths and discover new interests and passions! Do them for the sheer joy of it. Expand your self-definition to such an extent that you lose sight of the boundary. That way when someone inevitably says "what do you do?" You can answer, with a knowing smile, "lots of stuff!"

This is a fairly rambling rant about what his post brought up for me, I hope it's of some interest.

The Power of Words

2010-02-28T02:19:00.006Z

While strolling through my twitter feed this evening I came across a few tweets by Scott Kurtz, author and artist behind the online phenomena that is PVP. I have a great deal of respect for the man as a writer, an artist and avant garde internet mogul. However something he twittered tonight really jarred and I had to respond:

pvponline Gah! Reconnecting with my Aunts and Uncle has made them aware of my site. They are very catholic and don't like my bad language.

pvponline So now I'm getting emails about how God gave me this talent and he didn't do it for me to use his name in vain

pvponline I was straight with them. Told them I wasn't changing and that I resented them believing they knew what god wanted of me. God will TELL ME.

pvponline Scott, God wants you to stop cussing. Really? Cause I talked to him today and he said words were just words and he only cared about intent. (emphasis mine)

I appreciated that being browbeaten by relatives over ones art is not fun but I was bothered that someone who uses language to entertain and often to inspire would be so blasé about the power of words and so I responded thusly:

Phil73805 @pvponline Whether or not you choose to cuss I don't care but please don't pretend that words are without great power!

There we are, my perspective made clear, or as clear as you can get with 140 characters at your disposal; he may see it he may not but I've done my bit...and then, much to my surprise, he responded:

pvponline @Phil73805 Words are words. The intent behind the words have power.

I'm sorry Mr. Kurtz but that is empty semantics.

The written word though guided by intent is clearly open to a greater degree of interpretation, one only has to visit a message board or any online discussion to see how even the best meaning communication can be devastating when misunderstood regardless of the intent behind the words. I feel that this obligates people to be careful with the enormous power that the gift of language bestows.

Don't think that is only an issue with the written word. I have had psychotherapy clients return the week after a session and tell me that something I said had meant a great deal to them and it turns out that what they recall was not what I intended and yet it was no less meaningful to them for all that and indeed no less powerful. In fact there are times when I won't point out the misunderstanding because the message they walked away with has had therapeutic value that might be reduced by attempting to put my intent before theirs. They have been their own therapist and who the hell am I to argue? They've taken my words and used them to form a message that is of use to them, you'd be surprised how often that happens in day to day communication outside the therapy room.

We can all recall words spoken to us by teachers, some positive and some negative, and can recount many years later the impact those words had regardless of the intent. An off-hand compliment about ones ability in science drives the student into a lifetime career, for good or for ill. An angry retort from a stressed teacher leading a child and then the adult to believe that they'll never amount to anything. These are oft heard stories.

Words have enormous power Mr. Kurtz, yours often inspire laughter and even thoughtful reflection. Your humour regularly has a deeper message disguised with a smile. That is a tremendous gift. And a powerful responsibility. Like I said, cuss or don't cuss. I genuinely don't mind, in fact I'll go a stage further and say that sometimes the cussing serves to highlight your point with humour. Put more simply, it makes me laugh. But Sir, please don't attempt to belittle the power of words while fighting off holier-than-thou relatives.

In a world blathering on about the right to free speech we might forget the terrible responsibility that goes with it. Words can create and can destroy in equal measure.

Mr. Kurtz I doubt you'll even see this but if you do let me please say this. Your words and your art have given me great pleasure over the years for which I am truly grateful. My post here is not intended to be at all hurtful. It's just that words are deeply meaningful to me, as a teacher and a therapist some might argue that words are my stock in trade, and I felt that your words needed to be challenged even if it is only in this small way.

The Hardcover Conspiracy

2010-02-15T12:08:00.007Z

Right, with that suitably melodramatic title in place let us begin. I remember a time, not too long ago, when publishers offered their customers a choice. Paperback or Hardcover. The paperback was released first and then after a while a 'collectors' edition in hardcover was offered to those who wanted it.

I'm not certain when this changed but what's happening at the moment is, when you look at it, rather disgraceful. The choice is now, hardcover or wait a year until they release the paperback. I'm not certain of the markup on hardcover releases but I suspect that the publishers make more money from them than the paperbacks and so the readers are forced to either buy the big, cumbersome and expensive hardcover or wait a long time to read their favourite author's latest literary masterpiece.

I'm certain that this is a relatively recent phenomena because when I bought the earliest books in my favourite series they were only available in paperback and so my collection took that form. Now I have to wait a year to get the next in the series in the same format.

I have it on good authority that people are generally reading less as evidenced by book stores closing at a disturbing rate. I suspect that this is largely because 'high street' bookstores can't compete with the likes of Amazon and co. but basically people are looking elsewhere for their entertainment. Maybe it's just me but a paperback is a far more convenient thing to both buy and carry with you as well as costing a whole lot less. So why would publishers limit your options to big, bulky and above all expensive hardbacks or nothing...for a while? The first rule of business, I would think, is 'make it easy for people to give you their money'.

So, publishers, make both hardcover and paperback available together. Those that like the size and importance that a hardback book conveys will buy that and those of us who prefer the smaller more convenient paperback will buy that. Make it easier for me to give you my money. Don't make me wait a year in the hope of forcing the sale of something I just don't want!

Writing, for Fun and......Self expression.

2010-02-14T03:02:00.007Z

I've been rather slack of late as far as this blog goes. There are friends of mine that check it regularly and to them I can only apologise. The little time I have for writing has been focussed elsewhere.

I've done two book reviews for them this week alone, though only one has gone live so far, and also managed to get an interview with Michael Marks, SF author extraordinaire, done and dusted. His answers to my questions really blew me away, so go and take a look. If you have a Kindle I can't recommend his new novel Dominant Species highly enough as my earlier review on this very blog made clear.

And now to the reason that I started this post in the first place. I was reading Wil Wheaton's blog the other day and in the midst of a really great post he said something that really sparked off a train of thought. He was talking about how Twitter had changed his world and allowed him to reach so many people in a way that would otherwise be impossible. I couldn't agree more, however, the point he made that really hit home was this:

"...I am compelled to create. I've tried to fight it - it's not the easiest life in the world, especially when you're responsible for a family - but I can't deny that I'm an artist any more than I can deny that I'm a human being. Most artists will tell you quite honestly that they would create their art for free. I know from personal experience that that is absolutely true." (emphasis added)

I thought about the work I do for BSC review and wondered, are book reviews art? I'll come back to that point but I then thought about the story I'm (slowly) working on and the strong creative streak that has always been a part of me. In one form or another I also feel compelled to create, or put another way, express myself creatively. No, that isn't just pedantics. I think that my creativity is always a communication of sorts. A way of reaching out and 'speaking' to people. Whether in the form of a tale I've crafted or a review in which I share my thoughts about a book I've read. This may well be the case for others but I can only speak for myself.

When I told friends and family that I'd been asked to write reviews for a great website the almost universal response was, "are you being paid?". Wow, did that take the wind out of my sails. It seemed that the only measure of my work was whether or not I was being paid. I know that what I'm about to say may sound very naive but before my friends mentioned it I hadn't thought of money at all. I thought, hey what a great opportunity to share with others my thoughts and feelings about the books I'm reading! I love reading, I love books and on bsc review I get to express that love in a creative and hopefully entertaining way. Yes, I think reviews can be an artform in themselves.

I have no illusions, it's a parasitic artform in that it is based upon the blood, sweat and tears of an author that has often worked for months or years on the book I'm reviewing. And yet, his or her work has moved me and I want to share why. To distill into words my experience of their hard work. Now, that's all very well when the review is positive. However, what about those times that I pick up a book hoping for a decent story and have those hopes dashed when it doesn't prove to be what I'd expected? I don't mean that the story wasn't what I thought it was when I picked the book up. To give a bad review in those circumstances is really not right. I mean that the writing, story and/or characters really fail on some level. Figuring out why a story doesn't work for me is harder than working out why I love a story. In those instances I feel obligated to make as clear as possible exactly what didn't work for me so that, should the author come across my review, they might take some useful feedback from it rather than a 'you suck' message that is neither entertaining nor useful...

...The truth is that I'm avoiding saying something that's on my mind. It's a little truth that struck me during the week. Writing reviews, while both enjoyable and potentially creative, is also the laziest form of creative expression available to me. It is harder to come up with an interesting blog post and much much harder to drive my story forward. When the inspiration for the post you're reading struck, it was the first time for a while that I'd been able to come up with anything and I quickly wrote down some thoughts in the notebook I've taken to carrying everywhere with me. If you make a living writing you can't afford to wait for the inspiration to strike, you have to damn well find it, pin it down and get to work.

While talking about the story I am writing with my therapist it soon became clear just how many personal themes were there at its core. My protagonist finds himself suddenly alone in enemy territory and slowly realises that his bravery and skills in combat are all in the context of the other troopers around him. It is only in relationship to them that he is the person he knows and respects. In effect the story is about learning some of the strength to be found in solitude though ironically this is learnt from another very different warrior and so in the final analysis is still about relationship and how we only exist as human beings within relationships even when we feel alone. Writing this story is intensely personal which makes it bloody hard work to push forward with. Is this the case for other writers? When they take a deeper look at their work do they become aware of their own issues expressed in their writing? Is that part of the challenge and will it get easier?

Well, one question I can answer. Yes, it does get easier but I don't believe it ever gets easy. In fact if it did I suspect it would cease to interest me. The second part of the story flowed far better and faster than the first part. Though there are certainly personal themes present it would be a mistake to let them swallow the story whole. Those themes must guide what is effectively a war story about very different styles of warrior coming together in desperate circumstances but the personal stuff cannot be allowed to overwhelm it, the background cannot become the foreground.

I'm starting to worry that I may have bitten off more than I can chew with this story. The longer I leave it as a work-in-progress the more it grows in my mind which only makes it harder to get down to business when I have some time. This then means that I'm more inclined to write another review rather than wrestling with myself to write the story. I'm hoping that talking about this out loud will help me get on with it by making clear to me what it is I'm avoiding.

When I do get down to writing the story, I enjoy it and yet also really struggle with it. As far as I'm concerned that only serves to highlight how meaningful the process is and therefore how much more I must devote myself to it. I hope I can get moving again. I think I will feel a tremendous and very real sense of achievement if I can get the story finished to a standard I can live with...my perfectionist streak means I can't be 'happy' with it.

Writing for fun and no profit is deeply meaningful to me. I agree with Wil when he says that most of the artists he knows would happily do their thing for free, I'm also happy to do it for free.

Why? I think it's because, for me, writing is its own reward.

My First Review

2010-01-20T15:16:00.005Z

A couple of months back I was emailed by Damon Caporaso over at BSCreview.com to see if I wanted to join their team of reviewers! I think it's fair to say that I was really chuffed by the offer but considering the nature of my day-to-day timetable I had to think long and hard about accepting. In the end I decided that honesty was the best policy (and not third-party fire & theft) and I told Damon that I was insanely busy and if we were talking quotas and deadlines then I had best bow out now. Fortunately the laid back nature of the staff at BSC meant that they were happy to think with me about what was manageable and go with that. I have to say that I'm grateful for their flexibility because today they published my first review!

They came across me as a result of a comment I posted on the great Mark Charan Newton's blog and so to Mr. Newton must go my thanks for frequently writing fascinating, thought provoking blog posts that inspire me to comment. I've just started his novel Nights of Villjamur and look forward to posting a review on BSC, so far I'm enjoying the novel immensely.

Who the hell would have thought that a comment on Mr. Newton's blog would lead to this? Not me!

The folks over at BSC Review seem like a really great team. I love the site and I'm proud to be writing for them! Their editor has also given me my first experience of being edited, it's going to take a little getting used to but I have no doubt it will make me a better writer.

Of course this new gig means that I won't be reviewing books on this blog anymore but to be honest there's very little random or muse-like about a book review so I must return to my usual ramblings. I hope they'll continue to be of interest to someone.

Post Script: I know this is way off the topic but I saw this remarkable article and had to share it with you. Inspiring stuff...and suitably random.

Started Part 2 at last!

2010-01-18T02:00:00.001Z

I was starting to worry that I'd never find the space to sit down and get some writing done but tonight I managed to sneak a couple of hours during which I should have been studying to get on with part two of the story. I like the way it's taking shape but because this has dragged out for so long the original inspiration for the story has waned and I must find it anew.

My ideas for my protagonist remain unchanged but as time has worn on my ideas for the story have evolved a little in my mind and I find that I'm no longer satisfied with some of the cliches I had intended to follow. The words are flowing a little better this time around and I feel more confident about what I'm writing. I suspect that this won't last long once I've sent the draft to my 'editor' type guy, Neil.

A published and respected author who has asked to remain anonymous was kind enough to read the first part and offer me some words of wisdom for which I am very grateful. Following his advice I am hoping in this part to really try to bring my world to life in your mind with descriptions over and above the immediacy of combat and somewhere in there further develop my protagonist who in my mind at least is becoming really three dimensional. There will also be the introduction of another central but, for the moment, mysterious character (the temptation to give the game away is almost overwhelming) who I believe will really contrast well with Sergeant Salinas.

Well that's it for now, do keep watching this space. I hope to have the next part ready soon...ish.

Thanks for reading.

Writing by Night

2010-01-17T02:23:00.011Z

There's something remarkably peaceful about writing at night. I find that my thoughts flow a little easier and consequently my hands fly over the keyboard with greater fluency in the process of turning thought into words. I think it's about the absence of something we don't even notice during the day but is blessedly missing at night, the background noises of a busy city. The ringing phone, the thoughts of 'what should I be doing instead of sitting here', voices raised in the house, mulling over my day's routine...and so on. I'm sure this is a familiar picture.

My last post bemoaned my lack of writing inspiration and the pressures that I thought might be contributing to it. Tonight though something great has happened. I've been working like a dog to get my studying done and have made enough headway that I felt able to justify taking a break. I sat at my computer, checked over twitter to see if anything interesting was happening and slowly the buzz and hum of my mind under pressure began to slow. Suddenly the urge to write awoke with a start, I opened the empty 'part 2' of the story I've been working on and started to type. 650 words later, confident that I was off to a good start I saved the file and closed it, my relief palpable. The deadlock was broken.

Even now, I'm enjoying the simple pleasure of just letting the words flow from my mind to the keyboard without having to bypass my 'why aren't you working?!' voice. He's asleep. I can think again! I know it can't last, I must go to sleep and when I wake up I will be back to driving myself mad to get down to work and finish the reading I must do, but for the moment I can't get in touch with that panic and stress and it's blissful.

I'll finish by sharing with you something I did this week to try to get me to chill out a little. The snow fell heavily on Monday night and I awoke on Tuesday morning to find my world coated in white once more. I grabbed my camera and headed off to Hampstead Heath. I parked my car quickly, keen to make the most of the time I had budgeted to relax, and crunched my way up the path on virgin snow. What a sight! White as far as my eyes could see. Everything familiar made new again. Call me an old sap if you must but there's something about the transformation snow brings to familiar surroundings that calls out the artist in me.

I took a good few shots which I put on my Flickr page but I wanted to share a couple of favourites here before I go to sleep.

Some people find the shot above cluttered but I love how busy and colourful it is.

And last my personal favourite, lone tree on the heath. I find the shot quite poignant, somehow the empty bench adds to the sense of aloneness.

Hope I haven't gone too arty on you but I think you'll find that as musings go this is pretty random. Good night.

The Lame 'I can't think of anything to write' Post

2010-01-12T22:35:00.002Z

Okay, I'm having a real writers block problem here. Nothing seems to inspire me to write but I wanna! Before you say that posts like this are lame let me say, I know. I figure that in order for it to be known as lame it must have been done to death by almost everyone before me, in which case it might well be a rite of passage that any blogger, or at least any blogger with a dearth of inspiration, must go through to break the deadlock.

So here it is, in all its glory. My head is blocked, I can't really think of anything interesting to blog about and what's more I can't seem to find the strength and mental space to continue the story I have started and really want to continue. The thought 'I want to write' is never far from my mind.

I've started the last of my training as an Existential Therapist and while it is exciting, interesting and thought provoking it is also very demanding, emotionally and intellectually, and combined with the rest of my wall to wall timetable more than a little stressful. This may well be contributing to the block. Whenever I sit down to write I find myself thinking, ooh I should be working/studying and any creative juices are destroyed. This leaves me with the thought that I may have to put everything on hold until I can get a break, but that's three months away and blogs have died in half the time from a lack of new material.

Even now I'm thinking, why the hell am I writing this blog entry when I could be pounding my head against Heidegger's Being and Time? I have a lot to read, a presentation to prepare and notes to write...best get on with it then.

Maybe if I get a good chunk done I'll have the mental space to get creative again...(That last thought was brought to you by wishfulthinking.com)

Schadenfreude as "Entertainment"

2010-01-03T01:22:00.002Z

What I am about to write may well get up your nose, you have been warned.

I am about to talk about certain reality television programmes that disturb me deeply, however, I also recognise that they are extremely popular and that in attacking them I may well upset or irritate you. This is not meant to be a mindless attack (for which the internet is justly famous) but, hopefully, a relatively reasoned analysis of what I have observed and why it disturbs me so much.

I'm talking about the recent 'I'm a Celebrity...Get me out of here' and, along the same concept, Celebrity Big Brother. I have no interest in any reality tv programme but unless one lives under a rock, and there are times when it's very tempting, it is almost impossible to escape news of any of the above.

While the programme was still being aired I was listening to James O'Brien on LBC and he was discussing Chris Packham's criticism of the programme's treatment of insects (used in some of the...challenges?) and the hypocrisy of some animal lovers' silence on the issue. James suggested that their love of animals was based on the animal's 'cuddliness' factor which explained their lack of disturbance when insects are involved.

I often call LBC to contribute to the discussion as best I can and on that day I called and made the following point. Viewers of a programme based around a voyeuristic enjoyment of human suffering can hardly be expected to empathise with the suffering of insects.

If I've understood 'I'm a celebrity' the public are, amongst other things, asked to vote on which of the inmates (is that the term?) should be subjected to a revolting/humiliating task. If memory serves, Jordan aka Katie Price was repeatedly voted for the worst of it all until such time as she'd had enough and left. Let me say now that I'm not her biggest fan by a long shot. In fact I see her as a tragic and pathetic figure and yet my heart went out to her in this episode of national, popular bullying.

Some of you may be getting ready to tell me about the fascinating study of human behaviour that these programmes are and to you I say, nonsense! These programmes are nothing more than an exercise in schadenfreude, taking joy in the pain and humiliation of others! That those who watch have justified it by saying that these people chose to be there and that they had it coming fails on many levels. Anyone who would willingly subject themselves to such suffering and humiliation for the sake of a very transitory recognition are frankly in serious need of help and should be thought of as vulnerable adults in the throes of one of today's worst addictions, fame. If Katie Price wasn't a classic example of this I don't know who is.

Secondly the idea that this is a televised experiment in human behaviour is belied by the fact that psychologists design the various 'activities' and 'challenges' specifically to subject the poor souls to the worst of human behaviour, behaviour that is well documented from serious scientific study! These 'experiments' are redundant at best.

As a psychotherapist I consider these psychologists as the real world equivalent of having turned to the dark side in using their knowledge to indulge a really ugly side of human behaviour. I suspect that many if not most of them became psychologists to help people, where is that noble motive now?

We seem to think that we own famous people. That somehow celebrities are our property to do with as we please. I mention this because this was a oft heard refrain when the question of how we can treat people like this came up. These people are human beings first and foremost and programmes that take advantage of their tragic addiction to fame for our depraved entertainment are a deeply disturbing trend to me because of all the darker elements of human behaviour I fear cruelty above all. I recognise it as an issue of mine that I continue to work on. However, to see it celebrated in the guise of either entertainment, for the more honest amongst the viewers, or as a 'fascinating experiment' for the rest troubles me more than I can say.

In this 'enlightened' day and age can we find no better entertainment?

Thoughts on Part 1

2009-12-27T11:46:00.001Z

Well Part 1 has been up for a while now and while I'm working on Part 2 I figured I might share some thoughts about this first installment.

The reality is, I don't like it very much. However, I knew that if I waited for something I liked I would never have posted anything. Ever.

I put a lot of hours into it and am very grateful to Neil Wile, a friend of mine in publishing, for his help and feedback which brought it to the point that at least allowed me to post it. Some of you may be thinking that I'm putting too much investment into what is, essentially, fan fiction. However, I wanted to write something that was of a more professional standard than a lot of the fan fiction I've read. Something that payed attention to story structure, language, punctuation and some of the do's and don't's of storytelling.

I've realised a couple of things in this process, first of all it has occured to me that posting the story in parts takes away from the flow of the story and might well make it harder for you, the reader, to get into it. This is why I'm considering getting parts 2 and 3 ready to be posted in quick succession. The only problem is when I think about how long part 1 took me to get to a standard I could live with, I worry that in the time it will take me to get the next two parts done any interest that may have existed will be lost. In retrospect in might have been smarter to post the story in two halves rather than, approximately, 6 parts of around 1500 words per part.

One of the things that Neil, in his infinite wisdom, was telling me was the difference between telling and showing in a story. I have tried to implement it in the work you see below but I recognise that future installments need to be more about showing and less about telling the reader what's happening and why. About showing you my characters and their story rather than explaining to the reader what's what. I hope to improve upon that in the parts to come.

Another thing that has really bothered me and has, perhaps, become apparent to you is that I have yet to describe my protagonist! I have a very clear picture in my mind of what he looks like and his life story and personality but have not yet found the place to put it in there in a way that feels natural. I know how I'm going to get his description into part 2 (a teensy bit cliched) and from reading other stories (a lot!) I also know that this is something I can get away with. I hope. What I'm not certain of is how much of his background is relevant to the story and perhaps might best be saved for future adventures. This story is, I think, meant to be part action, part character portrait and his background will come as a surprise to many. I don't want to give too much away about where the story is going but suffice it to say that the many options for moving it forward are slowing me down. I need to make some decisions and get on with it. I can always change my mind in the rewrites.

I know that the story as it stands has not attracted much in the way of readers or feedback for that matter but for the moment I am content to continue while the process challenges and inspires me. I hope that for the few that have read it there remains a curiosity about what happens next...I'll try not to keep you waiting too long. Thanks for reading.

Book Review: Cadian Blood by Aaron Dembski-Bowden

2009-12-21T23:15:00.004Z

"Cadian Blood" is Aaron's* first novel for Black Library and to my eyes a truly exceptional piece of work that's going to be hard for him to follow. The story centres around the Cadian 88th Mechanised Infantry Regiment and their efforts to liberate the Imperial Shrine world of Kathur from the Chaos spawned 'Plague of Unbelief' and the many plague-touched (read Zombies) it has created.

The story is set during Abbadon's 13th Black Crusade and takes place on a revered shrine world that is some distance away from Cadia where the main action is taking place. This makes the presence of the plague, a feature of the battle around Cadia, a mystery and one which sits at the heart of this story.

Aaron's protagonist Warden-Captain Thade is a finely crafted character who very quickly establishes his bona fides as an experienced soldier and a reluctant hero, a symbol of hope in a situation that has little. His supporting cast are equally compelling and Aaron's ability to set the scene grabs you from the very first page and doesn't let go until you turn the last (At 3am in my case, with work...later that morning).

The story itself flows well, with each character viewpoint, Imperium and otherwise, adding immensely to the dark atmosphere that characterises a good 40K novel. His battle scenes build a very clear picture of the action in a way that never leaves you behind wandering what the hell just happened and the twists and turns of the plot are surprising and keep you wondering what will happen next.

Some stories destroy what suspense there is by leaving you in no doubt that the protagonist and co. will survive. Not so here. Who survives and how is not clear until the last pages and one is left with the feeling that while Aaron clearly likes his characters he's unwilling to sacrifice suspense on the altar of their survival.

I have tried to nit pick as, I believe, is expected from a review. I can't. It's a riveting read, driven by strong characters in a well thought out and suspenseful plot. For a first or for that matter a fifth novel it is tremendously readable and points to a real talent that I look forward to reading more from.

By the by it is also an excellent introduction to the 40K universe for first time readers. 40K atmosphere drips from every page but you won't need more background knowledge than the author provides to enjoy it.

SciFi fans! Read it now, thank me later.

*Please note: I have not used the author's first name to imply any kind of personal familiarity, for none exists. I have used it because his mouthful of a double-barreled surname doesn't really lend itself to snappy prose (some would argue that my writing style can hardly be called snappy and to them I stick my tongue out in defiance :)

Lone Wolf, a Warhammer 40,000 short story. (In parts)

2009-12-15T13:37:00.001Z

Lone Wolf

An Imperial Guard Story

by Phillip Sobel

Part 1

Sergeant Reid Salinas dropped behind the wall as the lasbolt struck, showering him and the other men in cover with brick dust. He quickly peered over the wall and ducked as the movement brought a flurry of las and solid slug fire. The hot dusty air caught in his throat and, not for the first time, he cursed this Emperor forsaken planet.

It was the hot season on Pyrranis IV and his hefty flak jacket and pads, essential for survival in an urban combat zone were as much a curse as a blessing in the heat. They were pinned by enemy fire and all the while trying to stave off dehydration. They had to move forward, clear out the enemy and secure some shelter. Then the Armour, and the supplies they brought, would be able to advance and they could push the traitorous bastards back far enough to take the city.

In the heat Reid found his mind drifting back to his briefing on the Guard troopship en route to Pyrranis IV. This had been one of the most productive manufactory worlds in the sector until the planetary governor, Lord Farboër, had fallen to the worship of Chaos and led most of the world’s Planetary Defence Force and many citizen-workers into corruption with him. Eight months ago, in a night of unbridled bloodlust, he had led them in rebellion against the Imperium they had once served. Thus began a planet-wide war that had already claimed the lives of millions.

'We need to advance!' he said, angrily snapping back from his brief reverie. He looked each of his nine men in the eye. Some young and new to the squad and some veterans like himself. They were all filthy, covered in a paste made of dust and sweat, but this was their kind of war; they were the Athonian 107th, ‘The City Fighters’. Specialists in urban warfare, the most brutal and unforgiving of theatres, you got good fast or you died faster.

His men were tired, strained and dehydrated but they’d fight if he could point them at the enemy. 'Corporal Quala' He said turning to a stocky brute of a man with a face like thunder and the fighting spirit to match. 'Take trooper Zane, go through the ruins on the left flank and try to get up high. We need to know what we’re facing.'

'Yes Sir!' he replied, each word clipped and precise, and silently signalled to Zane. Watching their rapid and sure-footed departure Reid was struck by how fortunate he was to have Darle Quala as his corporal. They’d joined the guard at the same time and had served together since. The man was a real soldier’s soldier. Not charismatic enough for the officer corps but a fierce fighter who commanded respect.

Confident that his corporal would find a good position he tapped the Commbead in his right ear and reported to the platoon leader. 'Lieutenant Korba. Salinas, second squad. We’re pinned down amongst the ruins around the main square. I’ve sent Corporal Quala to scope out the enemy disposition. Is there any air support available?' His call was greeted with silence. He waited a few more seconds. 'Lieutenant Korba, Sergeant Salinas. My squad are pinned in the main square, request air support to dislodge the traitors.' Static hissed in response.

'Seems we’re on our own' he said, almost to himself 'we need to move.'

He gestured to the rest of the squad to follow him and led them, crouching, along the damaged wall towards a collapsed building to their right. Half the squad, covered by their fellow guardsmen, made the dash to the cover of the nearby ruins and then in turn covered the Sergeant and the remaining members of the squad as they ran to join them. Reid’s Commbead suddenly came to life.

'Sergeant Salinas, Quala.'

'Go ahead'

'I can see around forty of them in the temple with a variety of weapons, all traitor PDF.'

'Aren’t they calling themselves ‘Cult of The Blood’?' Salinas asked.

'Chaos loving scum can call themselves what they like sir, won’t stop me sending them screaming into hell!'

Salinas grinned savagely. 'No corporal I didn’t think it would.'

'I think they’re trying to lure us all forward, not sure why. The fire we’ve been taking is a fraction of what they have and I suspect there’s more I can’t see.'

'Good work. I’ve moved the squad right of our original position to another ruin. Don’t join us yet, you and Zane keep an eye on the bastards for me. I want to get the Lieutenant on the vox and see if we can’t rustle up some Vultures to blast them out and give us cover for an assault.'

Just as he was about to try the vox again, his earpiece crackled and a garbled transmission that he couldn’t make out, rang uncomfortably loud in his ear. 'Say again.' he responded, wincing.

'Second……confirm…position!' Korba’s frustration at the radio problems was evident in his voice.

'In the ruins south of the Ecclesiarchy temple in the main square, there are around forty Blood Cultists in the ruins of the temple possibly more. They have us pinned, we need air support' At last, he had his commander on the vox, perhaps now they could take the square and bring up the Armour. 'Quala! Get to my position fast!'

Moments later Korba’s voice crackled on the vox, 'Second squad, air power is on the way. They’ll make their run east to west, two minutes on the chronometer. Prepare to advance and link up with the rest of the platoon moving in from the east. The Emperor protects!' Reid smiled at that, indeed He does.

Quala and Zane ran up to the squad, bent low. Reid nodded his thanks to Quala and quickly outlined his plan. 'When the Vultures drop their ordnance we dash across the road to the ruins northeast of us. I want to charge them from the flank once the Vultures are clear, understood?' His question was answered with a chorus of affirmatives. With the practised ease of the well drilled they checked over their Athonian pattern wire stocked Lascarbines many of them muttering litanies of true firing to the weapon’s machine spirit. Reid watched the countdown on his chron. He motioned the corporal over. 'Flank charge’s the only way Darle. They look pretty well dug in.'

'Yes Sir, Vultures might not keep their heads down while we make a hundred metre dash across open ground. Flank charge through the collapsed east wall will make for a shorter run but we’re going to have to get into position fast before they can rally.'

Salinas smiled to himself, reassured that the corporal shared his assessment. 'We’re ‘The City Fighters’, fast is what we do.'

The corners of Quala’s mouth moved up in, what was for him, as close to a smile as he usually got. Salinas nodded his thanks and glanced again at his chron. 'Ten seconds!' he shouted. Already the distant roar of jet engines was getting closer fast. Suddenly, streaking in from his right two Vultures began their attack run. With their shoulder mounted wings, powerful engine and angular cockpit canopy they always reminded Salinas of a fast, viciously barbed insect he had encountered while fighting on Cruoris, a Jungle death world. Rockets streamed from underwing pods peppering the outside of the temple in explosions. Some of the rockets passed through the shattered window frames, some through gaping holes in the walls detonating within the already wrecked structure. And as fast as they’d arrived they were gone.

'Now! Go go go!' he bellowed at his men to shake the few that seemed frozen from the shock and awe of the airstrike. Quala echoed his order and through the billowing dust clouds thrown up by the violence of the strike the squad ran for the ruins. Once there Reid immediately led a rapid advance through the rubble of the buildings taking advantage of the cover where they could. This was how the ‘The City Fighters’ worked, he thought with pride. Through wreck and rubble to the throat of the enemy! Within half a minute they were poised to strike at the flank. As he was about to sound the assault into the temple movement to the right brought the whole squads’ guns to bear.

'Hold your fire!' a voice shouted 'Friendlies!', Sergeant Artino, a lean wiry man with close cropped blond hair, caked with dust and grime stalked forward at the head of first squad. His laspistol held firmly in one hand his sword in the other.

'Ready to fight?' Reid asked Artino hurriedly.

'For Athonos and the Emperor!' Artino answered with feeling.

They both turned to their squads and sounded the charge; their voices hoarse from the strains of the last few hours of fighting, they nonetheless got the blood of their men boiling. They rushed out of the ruins and into the smoke and fire with bayonets fixed.

To Be Continued…

eBook Review (and related rant): "Dominant Species" by Michael E. Marks

2009-12-13T00:07:00.015Z

I came across this book while trying to decide whether or not to buy a Kindle. I had outlined in an earlier post that the dearth of good books and more particularly a dearth of my usual reading fodder made it of little use to me. However, once I started writing I was advised that if I wanted to write I had to read. Not just the usual, I had to expand my horizons. Where better to search for and read books of many genres without futher cluttering my rapidly disappearing room than the Kindle store? ...It's amazing what you can justify when you really really want to buy something. What can I say? ...I am weak. Some of my points in that earlier post still stand but having invested in one I will now wait patiently to see how it develops.

Which leads neatly on to the reason I started to write this post in the first place. The book itself. Most of the books in the Kindle store have been 'converted' from their original print versions, however, Michael Mark's book "Dominant Species" only exists in the digital realm. I think this is the beginning of a trend that may be the future of SciFi. The argument that SciFi as a printed genre is dying is an old hat that has been argued on the "world wide" for a while now. It was recently revived on the blog of an author I've come to admire and many big names in SciFi writing joined in a spirited debate that extended to two futher blog posts. Do check out the posts and subsequent discussions, it really is a fascinating read. In the discussion I cited this book as a future model for the dissemination and futher development of SciFi in a publishing world that must cater to popular tastes to survive.

And what an entry to that model it is! The book tells the story of a top secret elite Marine unit trapped deep underground in a mysterious spaceship and their battle for survival against a mysterious and powerful enemy.The sub-genre of this book is military scifi which, while known for action and adventure, is not generally famous for the depth of its characters. However, the characters in this book display remarkable depth without losing the pace and action that makes this genre what it is.

In addition one of the arguments made in the above discussion is that we live in a world where Science Fiction is fast becoming Science Fact. It was suggested that this removes the sense of wonder experienced by the readers of early scifi with its exploration of the possible technologies of the future. Michael Marks seems to have embraced that reality and woven into the centre of his tale some of the technologies and ideas that NASA and DARPA are working on right now and in so doing has, for me, recaptured that sense of wonder at what the future holds. The fact that the future may not be so far off only serves to highten that wonder.

He often goes into almost Clancy-esque detail about the nature of the armour and weapons of the marines but for me the details never become burdensome and only serve to heighten the depth of the picture in my mind. His combat scenes are well crafted and take you to the very heart of the action in a way that almost has you ducking when the bullets start to fly. In combination with the twists of the story, the slowly uncovered mysteries and the very real characters he has a formula that will keep you gripped right up to the last page. The only irritating part of the book are the formatting errors throughout the text. They mar what is an otherwise fantastic book.

All in all I can't recommend this book highly enough to those of you with a Kindle and a taste for Military Science Fiction and even for those of you who have never really been drawn to this genre. Tense and action packed, it really is a terrific read.

Fleshing out the story...while battling with my mind.

2009-12-06T18:52:00.001Z

Been sitting at my computer for a while with my pad and scratchy pencil writing away like there's no tomorrow. I'm still torn between writing a novel and writing a short story. I want a short story but the quantity of detail pouring out of my head lends itself to the length of a novel. Though some concepts in writing are common to both they are distinctly different exercises. Besides which I can hardly post a novel on my blog!

My main character is starting to take shape. I quite like the man. Which, I'm told, is a prerequisite to writing a story about him. I've even made some headway in developing the world upon which he is fighting and the enemy he's fighting against. I really feel that I'm getting bogged down in details that there is no room for in a short story but I just can't ignore all the little details! I forget, or fail to trust, that my readers will likely fill in the gaps from their imagination if I provide a clear enough picture of the now. A clear enough picture of a human being in conflict. Bring them into the action where it's life and death and the little details become of secondary importance...I think. That's been my experience of reading the beginning of a story where things aren't clear yet. Particularly when the author has chosen to thrust you into the action with little or no background beyond what you already know of the genre.

Which brings me to another challenge. I'm writing this story in the Warhammer 40,000 universe. Who am I writing for? Am I writing for people who are already fans? Yes most certainly but I'm also hoping to appeal to a wider audience with the hope of drawing them into a fictional world that has entertained and inspired me for seventeen years! This seems like an almost impossible task. I must choose between one or the other. But how am I going to set the scene so that the unfamiliar reader can know enough to enjoy the story without my resorting to "infodump"? The inaccessibility of tie-in fiction to the general reading public is an issue that better minds continue to struggle with. Am I starting with too big a challenge? Should I just post my stories on the forums dedicated to the world in which I'm writing where everyone is generally on the 'same page'?

The above are a few of the many things I am really battling with to get this story down on paper in a way that grabs my audience by the throat and doesn't let go. I know I'm asking too much of myself at the beginning and that's one more thing to struggle with but I want to write something that I'm at least able to post without thinking, "that's just crap!"

If you, dear reader (writer or otherwise), have any answers or advice please do share them with me in the comments. I would appreciate any guidance I can get.

This writing lark is hard!

2009-11-30T17:21:00.002Z

It isn't that I thought it was easy. I always knew that writing creatively was hard, but I never knew just how hard until I started. I'm no less committed to the process than I was when I was giddy with inspiration and enthusiasm but that enthusiasm has now been tempered by a little experience. I think that this is a part of the journey. The realities of getting a story from the confines of my twisted mind onto paper in a way that captures the mind of my reader are quite harsh. The information the reader needs to appreciate the story (exposition) must be decided with some clarity and must come across naturally rather than my current style of, what my friends politely call, infodump. Brevity is something that happens to writers. I also need to flesh out my protagonist more in my own mind before I can bring him to life on paper.

These along with a host of other challenges can seem overwhelming at first, particularly when I think I've got a really cool story that I desperately want to tell. If I could only find the words to tell it well. I'm also trying to be as original as I can and am resisting the temptation to blatantly thieve the storytelling tools of my many betters. For example, Dan Abnett, storyteller supreme has been known to preface a chapter with an excerpt of faux history to help set the scene. Gosh what a clever little device! If I use it am I being hopelessly unoriginal or am I simply learning my lessons and not trying to reinvent the wheel? I'm not sure.

Looking over my first aborted piece I also came to realise that what I wanted was a short story but the way I was writing made it clear that I was really undecided between a short story and a novel. It is in my nature to start with a big picture which, when down to brass tacks, becomes a plethora of small details that I get lost in, never to be found. The name of the planet on which our intrepid hero is fighting the forces of evil...what kind of planet...where did the evil originate and how did it spread...is this part of a sector wide conflict or local to this world only? And so on until I'm so thoroughly knotted that I can't see the proverbial wood for the trees.

Last night I though of an idea that I suspect would be truly elementary to the most inexperienced writer. I went to bed with a notebook (oh behave!) and jotted down as much of the above questions as I could and as many answers as I could find until I could no longer keep my eyes open. This was in the hope that by putting it on paper it would get out of my head and leave some space to think about the other elements of the story and its characters. It seems to have worked...mostly. I think there's going to be many more sessions of scratchy pencil writing before I put hand to keyboard again and methinks this is a good thing.

Why I Love Penny Arcade.

2009-11-29T19:06:00.007Z

There are two guys out there on the interwebs who have become rather important to me over the last few years. Tonight, for reasons that I'll make clear, felt like the time to write about it so here I sit tapping away at my keyboard in the hope that I can find the words to express why these guys mean so much to me. To millions of fans all over the World Wide Web they are affectionately know as Tycho and Gabe or, in the real world, as Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik. They are the creators of Penny Arcade, a comic/news site about computer games and gaming culture in general.

I found my way to their hallowed website after a good friend said something along the lines of "dude! Check out these Penny Arcade dudes, they're awesome!"...Okay so it wasn't quite so "fratboy" but that's how I've chosen to remember it!

To my mind they started out as two guys who just wanted to see if there were others out there who shared their perspective on what is good, bad or ugly about computer games and the companies that spawn them and have evolved into a force that fights injustice and keeps the industry honest. Their PAX (Penny Arcade Expo) conventions brings in 60,000 gamers annually which makes the industry sit up and take notice and their home made charity "Child's Play" which purchases toys for long term child hospital patients, has raised over five million dollars since it's inception in 2003!

I realise that the "fights injustice" phrase makes it seem like I'm fitting them for capes...and I am...but I'm actually making a real point here. Barely a week passes by without some hysterical media type/politician tolling the bell for the "evil" gaming industry and its army of borderline psychopaths, Gamers! We are often portrayed as being one very small step from going "postal" and killing innocents in some game fuelled rampage. This is often inspired by a, tragic, news story in which some deeply disturbed individual who has gone on said rampage is shown to have gaming links. We and our hobby are then all roundly condemned, as if we're all the same! As if we are all one dimensional lunatics!

What Penny Arcade has done is to challenge this nonsense with wit, charm and tremendous patience in the face of popularist hysteria. They really do lend a powerful voice to those who feel they have none and have shown the world that gamers are three dimensional people, with all that that implies, and not dangerous stereotypes on the edge of meltdown.

But is this why I love them? Well...yes...and no. I've finally figured out what it is. It's because they make me laugh. Time and again. Whether it's Jerry's extraordinary prose or Mike's "in-your-face" yet paradoxically subtle artwork they make me laugh and laugh again. Their jokes are, more often than not, in-jokes but I'm in the club that gets them and it's a wonderful place to be.

So, just one more thing to clear up. What made me write this tonight? They recently started airing their own reality show about their lives and creative processes and I watched the first episode tonight. For me it really brought to life all the impressions of them I had already picked up from their work and I was surprised at how moved I was by seeing them in the flesh and in the world. It highlighted something I didn't realise I already knew and brought it to coruscating life. These are two really special guys.

If you're the one or two gamers out there who haven't already heard of them head on over to their site and have a look see. Allow yourself to be taken in by Jerry's wit and eloquence and Mike's amazing visual style and gags and in so doing add a new dimension to your gaming.

The Writing Experience.

2009-11-24T01:55:00.001Z

So where did the story go? Well, I deleted it. Not totally of course but having gotten some really useful feedback from some very talented friends I decided I wanted a do-over.

Hi everyone, I'm Phil and I'm a perfectionist...Hi Phil!

I joke but it's a real problem. Once I recognised what they were telling me I was no longer comfortable leaving it up there. I tried to tell myself that it was my first attempt and should bear witness to my sitting down and getting on with it at last. That idea lasted all of thirty to forty minutes. I got this knot in my stomach and after a moments contemplation I realised why. There for all the...two or three of you that had seen it were my many and varied mistakes and I needed to do better! The pace of the story was far too slow, I tried to cram too much information into too small a space without really moving the story forward and the lengthy descriptions really didn't help build a picture for the reader.

I want to do it better, I need to do it better. It will never be perfect, that's both a part of the human condition and one of the real buggers about being a perfectionist. It is unattainable.

What really surprised me about the writing experience was how all my own issues were brought to the fore by the writing process. It shouldn't have surprised me that doing something creative, a deeply personal experience, would reveal some of the values/issues at the very heart of who I am. And yet surprised I was.

Fantastic! It now lends this new endeavor a broader context. Not only am I working to realise a fledgling talent that I've wanted to express for years. In the process I will have a chance to wrestle with some personal demons and maybe, just maybe, I'll win one for a change.

Like I said, watch this space...

Inspiration, Wil Wheaton style!

2009-11-19T10:49:00.002Z

For anyone that reads my blog and remains unaware. Wil Wheaton is an actor, writer, blogger, a lover and a fighter and an all round great guy. His most recent blog post, "Get Excited and Make Things" seems to have lit the fires of creativity under a few thousand people and inspired them to..well..get really excited and make things. It does exactly what it says on the tin! A rarity in this day and age.

Though I started this blog before the above post it was his blog, amongst others, that inspired me to get mine started. I have wanted to write creatively for so long that I can't remember a time when I didn't and though I have no idea if anyone is even reading what I write, I'm enjoying the process nonetheless. So, what inspiration do I take from Wil's post? Well, when I was a wee nipper I used to get great pleasure from writing stories and yet, though the thought has occurred to me a thousand times I have never put my butt in the chair and started to write. I think about my favourite authors, Dan Abnett chief amongst them, and the stories that they pen with such fascinating characters & attention to detail...and I become so intimidated by their genius that whatever creativity I possess dries right up.

However, Wil of clan Wheaton has galvanised me to stop moaning, get excited and write things! The story will be set in the Warhammer 40,000 universe, a Gothic scifi setting of such colour, depth and complexity that it has held me enthralled for years. I will likely post the story on this very blog (in parts?) and I will be relying on you, dear reader, to give me feedback so I can grow as a writer and produce something that earns your precious time. If, by some miracle, the work becomes of any interest I may well separate it off into its own blog to keep it apart from my more random musings. It ain't going to be a quick process but I intend to start tonight.

Watch this space...

Kindle 2, the future of reading? Not for me!

2009-11-16T12:27:00.000Z

I'll try and keep this brief. I really want to buy a Kindle 2...but I can't. Why? Well it goes like this, I mostly read rather niche science fiction but even when I expand my horizons to look for books that might interest me I still can't find anything in the Kindle store that would begin to justify the expense. Not only that but the Kindle seems to be for our American friends and we Brits have been added as an afterthought. Not encouraging when being asked to part with just over £200!

So why isn't this the end of the conversation? The product clearly isn't up to the task so I should keep my money and be on my merry, however, I haven't seen my floor in a long time and this is because it is covered in books. The thought of a sleek ebook reader that might reacquaint me with my floor is both practical and appeals to my inner ubergeek! I love the look of the thing and want to buy one but with no ebooks of interest what use is it? Amazon claim that their vision is to have every book in print available on it. An admirable aim but is it really achievable? Even now certain books are only available in the States because they are licensed on a country by country basis. Clearly publishers, keen to protect their intellectual property rights, remain unconvinced by this technological marvel.

I'm left with the conclusion that the Kindle 2 is a technology whose time hasn't yet come. It seems my floor and I must be kept apart for the foreseeable future.

Afghanistan, Britain's Vietnam?

2009-11-12T20:04:00.001Z

Before I blather about this topic let me be clear about one thing. I have enormous respect for the men and women of Britain's armed forces and believe that they do an exceptional job of which we should be very proud. What I wish to explore is the motives and thinking of the government that has sent our troops out there in apparent defiance of the powerful historical precedents.

I realise even as I sit down to write that this is a very complex topic. I don't really expect to open your eyes to its true depths because, frankly, I don't understand them myself. I just want to ask one question that has been growing in my mind for some time. Is Afghanistan in serious danger of becoming Britain's very own Vietnam? A long war of attrition against an entrenched enemy with a powerful ideology that has seen them defeat one seemingly almighty invader already.

Vietnam had a lengthy history of foreign dominion before the Americans put their oar in and sure enough, as in every previous occasion, the American invaders were eventually seen off but only after a brutal ten year conflict that scarred both countries forever more. We seem to be heading down the same path.

The Russians entered Afghanistan at the request of the home grown communist government and began what turned out to be a vicious nine year war. Foreign invaders seeking to trample their ideology is not news to the Taliban and I suspect that they and many Afghans see their current leaders as a corrupt puppet government who will soon be out on their ear.

With the historical context and current realities I cannot see a way out. I cannot see how it is possible to defeat a highly experienced and religiously/ideologically inspired guerrilla army with conventional forces. Exactly like Vietnam! Taliban or Viet Cong the parallels are plentiful and very worrying.

Several times a week now we hear of the tragic deaths of our soldiers and the equipment shortages that they, and notably some of their senior officers, feel are making a dangerous job into a near suicidal one. They continue road patrols because it is felt (and perhaps correctly so) that a presence on the ground is essential for victory, but no one has made at all clear what that victory would look like! The total destruction of the Taliban would seem to me to be the only way forward and yet history has taught us again and again, you cannot kill an idea. These men believe that they are fighting for the survival of their faith and traditions. A version of Islam shared by thousands if not millions over the world.

Are we sending our troops over there to die in a war with no hope of victory? Will we eventually be forced to withdraw in disgrace and in so doing make a mockery of the sacrifice of so many soldiers? If history is any indication the answer seems to be yes.

And yet, I am also aware that the government and more importantly the commanders in the field and at home are very aware of the historical precedents and still seem to feel that things are, largely, going according to plan. However, the reasons for our being there seem to have changed from when we first got involved. This leads me to one of two conclusions, either they have a clear plan that they believe will lead to a victory within parameters that aren't clear to us or they believe that a long war of attrition with no hope of any victory is still better than an alternative they fear but we know nothing of.

The latter explanation seems distressingly plausible and leaves me with grave misgivings about this war. In my mind's eye I can already see a panicked withdrawal ten years from now with nothing to show for our efforts. The psychological scars this will leave on our nation are significant if America's experience is anything to go by. In fact the scars are already starting to show.

Is there an honourable way out? Or having committed ourselves must we soldier on in the face of a seemingly hopeless task?

Webseries, introducing a personal favourite.

2009-11-11T23:06:00.001Z

During the recent summer break whilst enjoying some much needed downtime I came across a webseries that really opened my eyes to the potential of the internet as a resource for serious comedy...okay a teensy oxymoron there but I soldier on. For many of you I suspect that your first thought is "where have you been?!" but it was news to me and so I am led to think there may be others who are living in darkness and can be brought into the light.

There are many webseries out there and many worthy of mention but the one that has really grabbed me is The Guild. Created and written by Felicia Day the mother of all geek icons, it tells the story of a group of gamers who play together in an MMORPG that bears a striking and deliberate resemblance to the much loved World of Warcraft.

Focusing on their interactions in real life as well as some in-game moments it brings to life the stereotypical socially awkward gaming archetypes with, as they say, hilarious results. For me the laughs are to be found in the exaggerated yet eerily accurate portrayals of the socially inept at play and the variety of neuroses on display is as comprehensive as it is laugh out loud funny. From creepy yet lovable stalker 'Zaboo' played by the brilliant Sandeep Parikh to the deadpan insanity of 'Vork' brought to side splitting life by the inspired Jeff Lewis not to mention all the others that make up this extraordinary cast of comic geniuses.

And yet as a gamer I also see some of myself in the characters. The part of me that recognises the far less threatening opportunities for relationship and challenge in a virtual world rather than facing an ever more difficult real one. Is that part of the appeal of this series for me? A chance to laugh at the absurdities of my gaming life in a way that feels affectionate for all its irreverence? Yes, I think it is a part of it but I really don't want to get too far away from just how good this series is in its own right. Though it has appealed to me from the start it is now in its 3rd season and the writing and production values have sharpened up exponentially as the series has progressed and the characters have been developed in a way that is believable in the context while still surprising and delighting in equal measure.

I have great hopes for this series and look forward to seeing how Miss Day futher develops the characters and the storyline. Have a look at the series yourself whether you're a gamer or not, start at the beginning and get on through. Each episode averages out at around 5 minutes so it shouldn't take long to catch up. I challenge you not to love the characters as I have come to and maybe even to see gamers and gaming in a new light.

"They're human after all, who knew?" - We did.