Catch up time...now with added Wittgenstein

Well, howdy y'all.

It has been a while since I sat down to write a proper post. Those that read my last post may recall that I had some notion of posting an academic essay of mine. I've since changed my mind. For starters I'm not at all happy with it, it's dry as a bone and despite the hours of work and weeks of stress and reading and more stress it doesn't read all that well and the ideas I've tried to discuss are too important to me to make a half-arsed job of conveying them to those outside the fold.

The essay tried to explore the concept of self-deception through the philosophy of Ludwig Wittgenstein and the role of Existential Psychotherapy in bringing self-deceptions to light and challenging the beliefs that make it seem so necessary. Not to mention how my own self-deceptions blind me in my work with my clients. Wittgenstein's work has inspired me in a way that few Existential philosphers have. His exploration of language as the building blocks of our world and its implications are as profound as they are overlooked. His writing is devoid of jargon and yet is immensely challenging to the Western mind, all the more so nowadays in a world where science and empiricism rule supreme. Where theories of mind/behaviour are postulated with all the force of holy writ.

Anyway, not posting it. It rather sucks. Which is a shame because I don't think I've ever worked harder on an essay in my life. I take some comfort from the knowledge that I picked a real bastard of a topic that is so very difficult. I'm not done with Wittgenstein though, I'm currently reading his Philosophical Investigations and struggling with it. The truth be told, his philosophy demands discussion to really understand it but alas, I've yet to find a discussion group. Yes, I'm sure there are groups online but that isn't what I meant. I meant a real, face-to-face discussion group with like minded souls. The accessibility of the internet has robbed us of that. Why meet when we can 'meet' online?

But there is so much more to language than words! So much that is lost when we write rather than speak face-to-face. Hypocrite? Yes, I suppose I am. Here I sit writing furiously while bemoaning its very real and severe limitations. But to refuse even dirty, brackish water in the desert is rather churlish and self-defeating I think. If writing is my only outlet then I must use it and equally must acknowledge its limitations.

More to language than words? Oh yes, yes, yes. Gesture, facial expression, posture, tone and rythm often say more than the words we may choose to use. And have you noticed how universal they are? Have you ever stopped to think about how weird it is that facial expressions, gestures etc. convey meaning so accurately across cultures and languages? I'm aware that there are some elements of body language that are unique to particular cultures and yet, given time, can be explained to an 'outsider' in such a way as to open it out to him/her. There is no such thing as a private language, this is a central thought in Wittgenstein's philosophy.

The Western world is convinced of the idea that words are representations of objects in the world and that a child learns what certain sounds refer to and so learns to speak. Is that really the case? Wittgenstein shows that it's a fiction that holds sway over the more delightful reality. That words are part of a web of language that incorporates words and all that I've mentioned above. Children don't learn a language in the mechanistic sense so beloved of the Scientific mind, they are initiated into language. A process taking many years and certainly beyond their school years.

I could go on and on but you really must have a look for yourself. His most accessible book is probably On Certainty. Accessible doesn't mean easy, it's really hard work but well worth the effort to engage with. Philosophical Investigations is also well worth the time to struggle with. For those who have an interest in the therapeutic application of his philosophy (and he believed his philosophical method to be therapy) you need look no further than John Heaton's excellent book, The Talking Cure.

I suppose that's as close as I can really get to show where I've been for the last few weeks. I've barely scratched the surface of what I've been wrestling with, and continue to wrestle with, but it will have to do for now. Please forgive my laziness, it's hard to find the right words in the right order to convey clearly what I've learned but I'm really tired and it's important to me to get it right. I will try again. It has had the most extraordinary effect on my work with clients. I suspect my next essay will also be focussed on Wittgenstein.

So, onto other things. Reviewing and interviewing has suffered a slowdown while I was in essay country and I'm having a hard time getting the creative juices flowing. I've got an interview to write with Dan Abnett and it's proving extremely difficult. All the authors I've interviewed to this point have been relatively new talent, what the hell do you ask the man that has done everything?! There's a little hero worship going on here and any regular readers of this blog will have heard his name mentioned in hallowed, reverent whispers. First things first, I have to write the intro...to give you some perspective Mr. Abnett is a remarkably humble and down-to-earth person who is going to be challenged by my glow-in-the-dark intro which will likely compare him favourably to the great heroes of the past. That's one hurdle I know I can overcome...I think.

It's the questions that have me stuck, what do I ask him? I know he's really involved in Marvel Comics but it's not a part of his work that I've really engaged with but I'm sure he'd love to talk about it. Also he's been writing almost as long as I've been alive so a fair few of my interview classics are going to have to be put to one side. Truth be told I've got to stop moaning and just get on with it. That creative vacuum from which ideas spring is a painful place to be and one in which I've spent a great deal of my time lately. I suppose I must buckle down and get back to it, I have to remind myself that when the flow inevitably hits I'll be loving every minute of it.

In other news, I'm skint. I've lost one of my part time jobs which means that money has been extraordinarily tight. I knew this was coming, I knew there would be a time of transition from 'trainee' therapist to qualified therapist which would require the building of a practise. I knew it would take time and leave me rather skint for a while and guess what? Knowing all that hasn't made it easier, not even slightly. I've been unable to fly for a while, though that's just as much to do with the awful weather as it is my cash strapped state.

Ooh, exciting news! Those lovely people at Black Library have added me to their reviewers list! This means that every two months they send me a box with one of every release...WOOHOO!!! This is a really exciting development that has gotten a little lost amidst my essay/cash preoccupations but I'm really pleased I was able to remember while writing this post.

For me it's a real validation of what I've been doing over the last year for BSC Review, speaking of which, my angel of an editor has offered me a payed writing gig for the site which only adds to my sense of WOOHOO! I had to turn it down because I was deeply mired in writing academic nonsense but she made it clear that the door was open if I decided it was something I wanted to do. I'm mulling it over at the moment, I hope that the review I'm working on (in the loosest sense of the word working) and the interview will give me a creative boost that might tempt me into taking up the post. It isn't a lot of money, it's more about the recognition that the offer of payment implies. I'm really rather pleased with myself (a rare event).

Still on the BSC topic, author Aaron Dembski Bowden has now started writing for the site. This is something in which I played a small role which I now mention for a brief moment of preening show-offiness.

And with that dispensed with I think I'm done for now. Bloody nora that's a long post, sorry about that. I hope you feel it was of some interest.

It has certainly served to remind me of how much I enjoy writing :)

Still not dead...yet.

I know I've been quiet of late. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, 'tis better that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing useful to say rather than spew molten randomness everywhere which can only serve to further damage our hard pressed ozone layer. Besides, in a world where climate change is an ever present worry, more hot air is probably not going to help matters.

I am currently up to my neck writing/researching for a paper on Self deception in psychotherapy from a Wittgensteinian perspective (my life is all about the fun). The deadline is in 19 days and I've yet to start the writing part. After that deadline, one way or the other, I look forward to writing a post.

I'm seriously considering posting my paper for all of you. I hope to write a paper that is accessible to all those fortunate souls who haven't read any existential philosophy and yet seem perfectly able to go on existing.

Primary Instinct by Sarah Cawkwell - review

I mentioned in my last post that I would write a review of newcomer Sarah Cawkwell's debut story in Hammer and Bolter when I was done reading it. Well, I've just finished the story, so here's the review.

The story describes the fortunes of an assault squad of Silver Skulls Space Marines, the 'Reckoners', deployed to the jungle world of Ancerios III to search out the possible crash site of an Eldar vessel along with any clues regarding the fate of the crew. Ploughing through the dense jungle the Marines discover a sinister alien life form that opens their eyes to a new threat; the implications of which are as disturbing as they are far-reaching.

The opening paragraphs build a vivid picture of the world she has thrown the squad into and I found her descriptive prose a joy to read. It seems to take every human sense into account in building the picture, leading to a remarkably holistic experience. Initially her beginner's nerves show themselves in the somewhat out-of-character dialogue of lead protagonist Brother Sergeant Ur'ten but within the space of the first few 'pages' (kindle pages) she seems to find her confidence and in the words of Dan Abnett, kick in the door and take no prisoners. The pace of the story ebbs and flows with the skill of a veteran and Cawkwell adds a very welcome sense of mystery to the proceedings as the plot unfolds.

The combat scenes are gripping and suitably fast paced while still managing to move the story forward rather than indulging in pure shooty-death-kill-in-space. Brother Sergeant Ur'ten grows steadily as a character, displaying a welcome measure of self-knowledge and a combat competence born of over a century of fighting in the Emperor's name. In addition, Ur'ten's supporting cast are equally compelling; though special mention must go to Prognosticator Bhehan, who in the Silver Skulls takes the role of Librarian with a hint of Chaplain. He is a really great character, who in truth deserves the title of joint lead protagonist as he adds a great deal of depth and subtlety to an already excellent story.

As far as true-to-canon goes, and this is a big one in this genre, Cawkwell brings the already developed background of this chapter, sparse as it is, and then adds gently to it in a way that never jars. She paints the picture of a proud and deeply religious chapter that looks to it's Prognosticators for both battle and spiritual guidance, seeing their warp powered visions as communications from the Emperor.

I really loved this story. Despite the very early awkwardness Cawkwell has, for me, really established her bona fides as a talented 40k storyteller.

I look forward to reading more, soon. (Please?)

Black Library go Digital!

I've waited a long time for this day but at last it's here. The publishers who provide me with the majority of my leisure reading material are going digital!

By the end of October, Black Library's digital store will be open and I'll be able to buy all of my favourite author's work for my Kindle. As any long time reader of this blog may remember, my reluctance to buy the Kindle was based primarily upon the fact that the sort of stuff I like to read wasn't available on it, but no longer!

As part of their publicity campaign Black Library will be releasing an e-book every Friday for the next five weeks, gratis, to give people a taste of what to expect. This week's release is First and Only by Dan Abnett. If there are any of you out there with an ebook reader, including an iPhone or iPad, head over here and download the zip file.

I think I've made my feelings fairly clear on all things Warhammer 40,000. It's dystopian Science Fiction of the very best kind and should be read by all people with a taste for SF. The reason most people don't try is because the aforementioned world is thought of as being hard to get into, I'm going to ignore the tie-in fiction snobs who think it's beneath them.

I think Dan Abnett's First and Only is a great introduction. It is a series of short stories that introduce you to a unique Imperial Guard regiment and their battles, both internal and in a universe at war. I have long considered Mr. Abnett The Master and this book, one of his earlier works, set the foundation stone in my temple of Abnett...so to speak...I don't in any way have a candlelit shrine to this most gifted author, that would be madness, MADNESS I SAY.

Ahem.

Anyway, the other little bit of exciting news from those lovely people at Black Library is the release of their new digital-only fiction magazine, Hammer and Bolter.

Anyone already familiar with Games Workshop may remember Inferno magazine, which created a space for aspiring authors to show us their work in short story form. It also gave the opportunity for established writers to delve into the 40k and Warhammer Fantasy worlds in short story format rather than the novels they are more used to writing.

Hammer and Bolter will now fulfill this role. The first issue was on a CD that Black Library made available at Games Day and I'm in the middle of reading through it and enjoying it enormously. Just one point though guys and girls, please make Issue 2 with a selectable content page! (I'm sure they're already on it but I thought I'd mention it).

The newcomer's role is ably played by Sarah Cawkwell in her debut story, Primary Instinct, a little review of which I may post here when I get to it. Admittedly I've had a peek and been very impressed at her vivid world-building prose but I'll wait until I've read the whole story before saying anymore.

So, an exciting time for me reading wise. My Kindle has gotten more use in the last two weeks than the last year and I can't wait to see what the future holds for this publisher. The digital-only format of this magazine might limit the readership initially but with more and more people with iPhones and the like, it may open this universe out to people who might not otherwise have bothered. I hope so, it's really great stuff.

Games Day UK 2010

I'm freshly returned from Games Workshop's annual main event, Games Day. I'm exhausted as only other convention goers know and I must now head over to some dive bar in Camden Town for a friends leaving party as he's heading off for warmer climes. What a day.

First off a small confession, I spent a boatload of money. This means that food is going to be scarce in the coming month but I laugh in the face of hardship...particularly when it's self-inflicted. My upcoming fast aside, it was a great day for a number of reasons which if you'll stick around, I'll now share with you.

Firstly, shiny new toys; but if the truth be told shiny new toys are buyable all year round and when added to the teeth-grindingly-frustrating queueing snafu's it means that next year I'll be ordering my stuff online and spending less time in queues that moveth not. Well done Forgeworld for putting office weenies in charge of an immensely busy retail stand while experienced retail staff were rolling posters...not your finest hour.

Secondly, I used to work for Games Workshop so it was a rare chance to catch up, face to face, with a couple of friends with whom I used to work and together foam at the mouth about all the exciting new things that the hobby is producing...at a rate guaranteed to bankrupt me before I learn anything approaching self control.

However, it was a real and truly rare pleasure to meet with all of my favourite authors in one place. For anyone new to this blog, I write book reviews and conduct author interviews for a really great website, BSC Review.com; the books I review are mostly, though not all, from Black Library's dark and dust coated halls and seeing as how Black Library is Games Workshop's publishing arm all of the authors whose books I've reviewed were there. Including awesome newcomer Aaron Dembski Bowden with whom I recently did an interview.

But here's the cool thing, I had expected to have to introduce myself to all of them. Bear in mind, this is the internet, I'd never met any of these people. Our 'relationships' were entirely confined to email and yet...each and every one of them recognised me instantly! The astonishing weirdness of being recognised by people whose work I've admired is hard to describe. There was only one person to whom I needed to introduce myself as I'd expected, Dan Abnett.

This was entirely as it should be.

I've been inspired by this man's writing for a very very long time and for this reason I've yet to review one of his books. I was afraid that my words would be nothing more than the frothy ravings of a fanboy and therefore of little use to anyone else. However, I recently decided it was time to bite the bullet and talk about my experience of one of his books in what is commonly called a 'review'. I believe objectivity to be a myth, my reviews are simply a record of my reading experience...

Anyhoo, not having done a review of his work and having only spoken through email he was unlikely to have come across my scratchings online and so I had to say hi and explain who I was. I've got to tell you all, the sheer warmth and down-to-earth nature of this man really moved me. This feeling was already engendered while I was queueing elsewhere and watching him speak to people lining up to get his autograph, each one was greeted warmly and the greeting then mirrored by his wife, another extraordinary writing talent by the name of Nik Vincent, who was equally warm and unassuming. If there were any two writers more able to rest on their laurels it's Dan Abnett and Nik Vincent, but the only thing on show was humility.

I had a chance to chat to them both later as Mr. Abnett and I discussed the options for my upcoming interview with him and was again struck by how helpful and generous he was. Alright, time to stop frothing but it's so nice to meet a hero and have him/her be all you hoped and more.

And here's another really cool thing, this was one of a number of amazing chats with authors whose work I've reviewed and their gift, admired. Mark Newton, who in his day job works for Black Library and in the cold watches of the night is better known as Mark Charan Newton, fantasy author extraordinaire. He was a real pleasure to talk to, quiet and unassuming and yet very clearly a talent to be reckoned with. I'm currently reading his second novel City of Ruin with a review to follow and hopefully soon after with an eInterview for BSC review. All in all I've got a busy few months ahead with reviews and interviews galore...I know that's only two interviews I've mentioned but there are a few more on the cards which I'm going to keep to myself for now.

I'm not going to recall the details of every conversation with all the authors I had the privilege of speaking to today, though Chris Wraight was a real gentleman and I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation; plus I had the chance to chat with Andy Hoare about Deathwatch and pick his brain for some insights I can use when running a game...I said I wasn't going to recount them all so I'll stop there.

The other little joy of the day was finding myself surrounded by people who share many of my more geek like passions, little chats together while queueing, passing comments while looking at the same cabinet filled with shiny new toy soldiers for all of us man-children.

Having the opportunity to reconnect with old friends, to meet face to face with some personal heroes all while fellow geeks thronged around us. What a day, I'm almost worried I won't be able to sleep tonight...

...I'll likely be unconscious before my head hits the pillow :)

Going postal over Going Postal!

I'm going to assume that you're all big fans of Terry Pratchett and have read his masterpiece, Going Postal. If you haven't, consider this a spoiler warning. I'm going to talk about the book and the recent television adaptation, there may well be an impassioned rant. You have been warned.

Sky One recently did an adaptation of Terry Pratchett's discworld novel Going Postal for TV which has recently been released on DVD. I bought the special edition post haste and sat down to watch it with barely controlled glee. This is one of my favourite discworld novels, the characters are all fascinating, the comedy both hilarious and insightful as only Terry Pratchett knows how and the story is grab-you-by-the...appendage-of-choice fantastic. An adaptation for television created in close collaboration with the master himself, well, this is the stuff of dreams. This wasn't the first that Sky One had done, they had also made Hogfather which was very enjoyable and stayed mostly true to the book.

With my hopes suitably high I, as mentioned above, sat down to watch. Initially it seemed that they would stay true to the book which, combined with some stunning visuals and an in-the-flesh Sergeant Angua, made me really pleased...and then they took this masterpiece and utterly destroyed it with a cruelty enhanced by the hope that had been initially engendered!

Bastards! The protagonist, Moist Von Lipwig (yes, he's heard every possible joke) is a complex and charming character who's grossly simplified in this televisual excretion and worse still a story of magnificent depth is reduced to a dumbed down made-for-TV farce that farts in the general direction of the book from which it was snatched!

Sir Terry, I am moved to ask, what on earth were you all thinking?! You got it so right the first time, why have you reduced it to such a dumb and dumber moronfest?! Reacher Gilt is supposed to be a rakishly charming, master con-artiste but is reduced to a barely sane blithering idiot whose hammed performance made watching him a problem for this Jewish boy, I don't do ham!

The relationship between Moist and Adora, which in the book is a subtle and refreshingly realistic one is made into a will-they-won't-they ride reminiscent of the worst that Hollywood would throw at us. Even more insulting you chuck in an unsubtle and patronising message about the dangers of smoking!

I realise that changes are going to be made when adapting a novel for the screen but this was an utter annihilation of what should have become an instant classic. It should have been serialised into around 6 episodes so that the true depth of the story could be appreciated by all. Of course I also realise that there was not unlimited funds and so characters and parts had to be cut, but the cut parts were replaced with such banal simplicity! Moist is told to win the race or be hanged, what the hell?! Do you really imagine your audience to be so pathetic? Must you try to pull on all the most cliched levers to get people interested, whatever happened to trusting your audience? And so subtlety and nuance are sacrificed on the altar of 'drama' aimed at the lowest common denominator!

I started to read the book again shortly after finishing the DVD, I needed to restore my sense of the story as it should have been. It has only highlighted for me what a terrible shame, a waste, this tv adaptation has been. The book is replete with powerful and emotive themes that are completely missing in the film or have been changed into an unsubtle morality lecture for the deeply stupid.

I could honestly go on and on about what was wrong with this...mess but I think my point is fairly clear. On a more positive note, honourable mention must go to Andrew Sach's excellent portrayal of Junior Postman Groat and generally speaking the casting was spot on. Charles Dance as Vetinari was a master stroke (dyed black hair would have cinched it), Richard Coyle as Moist is perfect and Claire Foy's Adora Belle Dearheart seemed to jump off the page and onto the screen. It's just a shame that such talent was wasted on a pale, pale shadow of a great story.

Jack of some trades, Master of nothing-at-all

I think it's time to accept something. I'm not a frequent poster.

I wish I was, I truly do. Unfortunately I suffer from jack-of-all-trades syndrome. I want to do everything, I keep discovering new things I enjoy doing, and seem to have a knack for, only to be distracted by something else. If I were to settle down to do a limited number of things I might begin to achieve some sort of mastery but nooo. My kitten-like attention span will outlast my interests every time. One of the stages of growing up is learning to close the circle of ones existence. To recognise the limits of time and choose what will be your life's pursuits and, importantly, what there will realistically never be time for. I can't seem to do this.

I recently decided that since I enjoyed drawing with pencils and whatnot (also a relatively recent discovery) I might get my hands on a Tablet and draw on the old PC. I figured it would take a while to get used to drawing like that but lo and behold I settled to it like a duck to water. I then added a book on cartoon drawing, which was my aim to start with, and the results of my first experiment lie below.

If you're wondering why he's wearing, what would appear to be, a pseudo-Starfleet dress uniform then your guess is as good as mine, it just kind of happened. I was only supposed to draw the head but the stylus just kept on going.

I'm describing what is, for me, an ongoing frustration.

I've also only recently tried writing as any regular readers will know, have I continued to pursue it? Nope. I started a story which got some really good feedback and which I really enjoyed, have I even looked at it in months, no. AAARRRGGHHH!!! Annoying much?

The primary reason is that the inspiration died; but a true artist pushes through that, tries to find it again rather than waiting for it to strike but since these are hobbies I find I move on with barely a whimper. Only to find myself regretting my lack of discipline a few months later. I also play the flute, something I was getting really good at before the inspiration died. Now, I've picked it back up again and am kicking myself because the flute requires the development of muscles in the lips to form what's called the embouchure, and since I've slacked off so have the muscles and I must develop them all over again...until of course I lose the will and move on to something else!

I have more hobbies and interests than any twenty people I know but lack the maturity or discipline to develop any of them to a level that my profoundly perfectionist self is happy with. I've been sitting here toying with the idea of starting a webcomic but know that it will die before it even starts, or worse still, once I've gotten going. And yet I know it's something I might do well if I could stick to it. Well, that or the any of the hundred other things I've learned about myself.

I have, over the last few years, discovered a great many talents that I never knew I had or had been told I'd never be good at. It sometimes feels like I was asleep for thirty years and have only just recently awoken to myself. As a matter of fact this is more true than I really want to admit.

I take some comfort from my work as a therapist, which continues to develop and grow. It's a rare field of endeavour where the personal and professional are often one and the same.

It seems that for the moment at least, I must continue to discover things and then watch them disappear until I am able to close the circle and discover what my life is really going to be about both beyond my professional activities and within them. The bugger is, I'm 35 and feel that I should be well past this stage but alas, it seems I still have a ways to go.

It's both a fascinating journey and source of immense frustration.